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Ahhh have to book in soon le.. nowadays really nothing much to do at camp.. though I am an instructor, though my jobscope there is very simple, But somehow I just seems not to enjoy myself as much as b4 when I was still a trainie in Sispec/Bmt whereby I had alot of wonderful friends around me..
Time really flies.. it's almost 1 yr more towards the end of my NS liabilities. Thinking back, time spent in army was wonderful esp with all those lame joke/stuff we do in bunk. I also learn how to treasure my family member, friends and not to take things for granted.
Just now at east coast, saw many couple taking a stroll with their dogs.. Hmm how long did I last saw Micky.. Really miss him alot but yet I know there isn't anymore chances to see him again.. All I can do now.. is to think back all those wonderful time we had together.. how he keep waking me up lol.. how he bite my shoe and socks..
Everytime I used clubbing as a way to past time.. also b.coz by going clubbing, time really passes very fast and I wun have the extra time to recall my past relationship.. But I have decided to face the reality this time.. not point running away from my past.. always tried to surf forum under the auntie agnony topic hoping to find e best way to comfort myself by reading other ppl story.. Think only I can help myself to overcome it.. N it's only by facing it bravely rather than trying to avoid it.. However action speak louder than words.. writing it down is 100 time easier than doing it haha..
A Simple Story
I will forever remember that fateful night, I was, as usual tuning in to the sports news. My wife, after her shower, came to me and said:” Why is there a mole growing on my leg?”I am a man who has no medical knowledge, I have always thought that a woman likes to kick up a big fuss over such trivial issues and choose to ignore her….Our marriage life is a cordial, peaceful one. Since the day I was promoted to a senior post in my company, she has been a full-time housewife. My work requires me to work over time every other day, to top that, I have to make business trips frequently, sometimes stretching as long as three weeks. While on such trips, others will be worrying about the old folks at home, who will take care of the children’s schoolwork and stuff like that. But for me, I can be rest assured that she will take care of my parents and she will be there taking care of the housework and children’s schoolwork. In fact, the number of people who admired my plight equals the number of people who admired her. In the eyes of the others, she need not slog from nine to five and putting up with unreasonable bosses. I have long bought a car and a three-room and two-living room house in the West. Although we do not know the meaning of romantic, our life had been a loving one.My wife was formerly a pharmacist and therefore had some medical knowledge. She knew that any mole growth that were neither painful nor itchy like hers can mean something more then it meets the eye. She went to the doctor herself, and was diagnosed with skin cancer….. The diagnosis left us all in a state of shock. In the following days, we went to all the big, reputable hospitals that we can find in Shanghai. But all the diagnosis were the same, in fact, one of the expert in the field even told us that the death rate for her condition is 90%, she is suffering from the most critical type of skin cancer…Before long, as predicted by the doctors, news moles began to grow on her legs, arms and back. And her body and vitality began to go downhill.As far as I can remember, I was still prone to occasional fever, cold, flu and minor aches. But as for my wife, she had hardly fallen ill before. But now, a body that had hardly idled has capitulated to the hospital bed.A home without her feels so empty, there is no life in the house. The toilet seat and the furniture are now covered with a layer of dust. A place that was once filled with warmth, a place that I once felt so comfortable after a hard day’s work now look like a foreign land. I felt like an alien in the house, I had a hard time trying to figure out how to use the microwave oven to defrost, the rice cooker to cook rice. As hard as I tried, the coffee or tea that I brewed, and even the bowl of instant noodle never tasted the same as those that she made. Things that she used to fetch for me without much fuss, I had trouble finding after ransacking the drawers…. Things that I had took for granted….Ever since she was hospitalized, I took leave from work to spend as much time I could with her. I have finally come to realize that without a home, without a loving wife at home, all the money, fame and status that a man can earn boils down to nothing.Just as her condition was turning for the worse, a friend told me that there is a hospital in Guangzhou that specializes in skin cancer. There was even a similar case that fully recovered after treatment there. However, the cost of treatment is extremely high, the course of treatment is three month long, costing more than 300 thousands and with a 30% chance of recovery. When I told my wife about the news, a body that had been tormented till out of sorts by the horrible illness told me clearly : “I want to live on….”. On hearing that, I started to weep. Frankly, I have never felt how loving we were in the past, but now, at that very moment, I felt that we were the most loving couple in the whole wide world, a pair that was made in heaven. How wonderful to be able to stay together, she wanted to live, and I wanted her…. We wanted to age together, to see our kid grow up, to see our son’s children call us Grandpa and Grandma. I made up my mind to go to Guangzhou with her. When I was in office to apply for leave, I could hear one of my colleague whispering to another: “If I were him, I will save the money. My GOD, its 300 over thousand. What if she doesn’t recover in the end? Wouldn’t that be a waste?” For those who said those words, they have never felt the grief and pain of someone dear withering, slipping slowly away from us. They will never understand the kind of hope that this possible lease of life can bring. I was thinking inside, even if it was 600 thousand, a million, or even if it means selling my car, my house and everything just to keep her alive, I will do it willingly.Before the trip to Guangzhou, I went to the supermarket to do some shopping on the daily necessities. It was the eve of the Mid-Autumn Festival, the supermarket was filled with a joyous crowd. I suddenly felt a wall between the crowd and myself. All the joy and laughter had no relation to me ever since the day of her diagnosis.I bought the items in the shopping list that was given to me by her. When I checked out at the cashier, I felt the weight of all the groceries. For all these years, all these grocery shopping had been done by her, alone. I had no idea how much a kilogram of rice costs, the price of a bottle of cooking oil. I never knew that it was so tiring to carry all these items from the supermarket to our home. I had always thought that I was the pillar of the house, only when she suddenly fell ill did I know that she was the backbone of the house.When in Guangzhou, we spent the closest moments together since our marriage. In the three months, we were always beside each other, we laughed together, cried together. I couldn’t remember when was the last time we had such heart-to-heart talk, we felt so close. In the first month of treatment, her condition seemed to improve. We could even take occasional walks in the garden, with me holding on to her arm. We were remising the day we first met at the entrance of the People’s Park, our first show at the Victory Theater was an Italian movie titled “The Last Emotion”. She even remembered that it starred Sophie Roland. She told me that when I dated her for the movie, she had, in fact, watched the movie with her classmate. But she couldn’t bring herself to reject my offer, and that is why she watched the movie a second time with me. The last time that we remise of this moment was during our honeymoon. Talking about it now, its really sad, after all these years of marriage, we have never talked so much. In that 3 months, I saw her thin and pallid, slowly withering… the special treatment failed to take effect on her. The day came when she can’t even finish a bowl of porridge. In the end, she told me :”I want to go home”. With that, we went back home, despaired.
When home, her condition turn from bad to worse. Moreover, the symptomic pains dreaded by all cancer patients crept in. She couldn’t sleep the whole night, turning and moaning in pain. Even morphine fails to ease the agony. How I wish that I could suffer the pain on her behalf. Its just too much pain to be borne alone.When she felt better, she would brief me of the household chores. Now did I realize the trivial details of household chores, the busy schedule she has all these while when she is at home. She even told me where to get my favorite rice hoof, which brand of undershirt I wear, and where to get them. Three days before her demise, she even taught me how to operate the washing machine. We bought this washing machine together, but all these years, she has been the only one operating it.(The author can’t help but wept uncontrollably typing this).Days before she left, she told me that she is glad that she married me and has never regretted doing so. The 3 months that we spent in Guangzhou was the happiest moments she had in her life. That 3 months is also my most treasured moments in my life. Even though because of this 3 months, I had lost my chance of promotion, lost a lot in material terms. But compared to the company that I shared with her, all these pales as worldly possessions. And luckily for the 3 months, else I would have lived in unrest conscience for the rest of my life. She died a peaceful death, on that day, I told my son that mummy had gone to another place to wait for us. In future, we will all meet again in that same place, and all will still be the same, she will still be his mummy, I will still be his daddy, and he will still be our beloved son.Now, I dread to see a happy family in trio. Every time I pass by the People’s Park, the place where Victory Theater was originally, the supermarket that we had been together, I just couldn’t help but weep. Whenever I use the washing machine, operate the microwave oven, changing the seasonal clothes for our son, coming home late from work, cooking instant noodles for myself, waking up in the middle of the night to find myself a lone on the big bed, I feel like crying. When she was around, I had never felt specially blessed, she was just the woman I married, the mother of my child. But now that she is gone, the world seemed to crumple.Before, when I watched shows about men who had lost their partners cried uncontrollably, I felt that it was to stir up feeling of the audience. But now, I cry with them. That day, I saw a blood donation drive going on the road, it reminded me of her again. There was once a departmental blood donation drive that needed my blood. On hearing that, she told me seriously : “Can I take your place? I need not work anyways, so I can rest at home?” But I laughed her off saying: “You crazy? I would be a laughing stock if others found out!” After my donation, she even cooked for me pork liver spinach soup and red bean lotus porridge. And I remember her telling our son :”Papa works hard to make money for the family, so papa is the most important person.” In fact, she is the most important person, without her, my son and I have lost the most important thing in the whole wide world-happiness.I bought a resting place for her in the hills. I was grief struck when I used the red paint to write “Beloved wife” on the tombstone. I am not a man who is good in expressing my feelings. Throughout our courtship, I did not even say the word “LOVE” to her. I used to laugh at her for reading the QiongYao novels, or crying over those love scene in the movies, but now, I could only transcript the word “LOVE” on her tombstone. My beloved wife, if she could relive again, I am willing to say “I love you” time and time again. These three words that all ladies in the world would love to hear repeatedly from their beloved man. Why? Why didn’t I say it enough to her when she needed me to say it? When she was healthy? I just want to tell all the healthy and happy living husbands, love and treasure your wife, spent more time with her, do not be blind to all that your wife has done for you. A lot of times, we only know how to treasure things after losing them.Your wife is the person who love you most in your life, the one that understand you most, the woman who will give up everything for you. Most of all, no other man-woman relationship can be compared to husband-wife relationship.Bottom line of the story is Always cherish and treasure your loved one where there are still around..... dont take them for granted ......
