25 Nov 2006
Just came back from clubbing at club momo.. Though it's was nothing different from the usual clubbing, today I saw one of bin bing fren.. also a exclassmate from the san yu advertist school.. her name is Melissa.. can't really recall her.. but kidda remember coz the last time I saw her was with bin bing at marina square-fun fare.. but it was all history.. Upon seeing her, I could almost recall the days I had with bin bing.. perhaps I am kidda 'high' now.. but from the day we broke up, she had always been in my heart despite my effort of hiding her presence and stuff lidat.. I hate to admit that even up till now, she is still the one I love most, Disappoint me most blah blah blah.. For dunno what reason, I decide to view her friendster one last time(although the idea always come thru my mind when I am sober) and saw her with another guy.. ahhh it might be her future bf.. congrats =) as I will hope she will eventually get someone who will love her with all his heart since I can't affort to provide her that anymore..(",) Recently I have been listening to a Singer Li Sheng Jie song.. the title is 很想說.. it 90% describe what I wanted to tell her all along though considering we have broke up for almost yearly 1 1/2 year.. She is still the one I love the most.. even up till now, no one could ever replace her position in my heart at all.. despite the damages she done to me.. haiz.. I was so tired of relationship after my last broke up and decided not to commit another one till I could totally forget about her.. but I can't.. I really can't.. I hate myself for that.. After such a bloody long time, why is she still always on my mind.. I should have forget all about her .. Forgetting all my good or bad memories of her.. but I can't.. I know that deep in my heart although I always proudly tell my friend that I had long forgotton about her... Till now, I am still hurt.. every now and den.. I dun wish to stay alone esp at night coz I will recall about her.. Can someone please teach me a way to forget about her.. please.. I am really suffering badly.. I didn't know love could be so miserable so terrible when u really give all u could to her.. and all I receive in return is just... dun think any words could describe my emotion now.. and hopefully these are the last tears I will shed for her.. I really hope so.. Enough is enough.. now that she had someone by her side.. I should be happy for her.. =)At least I felt so much better after typing out all these.. these are stuff that I had been keeping inside my heart since the day we broke up... Since I tried to convice everyone single one that I actually forgotton about her but I didn't.. and how much I wanted to msg her happy bdae on 0911 every single year.. but I can't.. I know I can't.. even though she msg had been typed out.. but I simply dun hab the courage to send to her.. coz.... Ahhh I have been so miserable.. that sometime I hope I am dead.. without trouble and worries.. even this year bdae, I dun wish to celebrate coz I was worry about there isn't any one celebrating for her.. but guess that thinking of mine was fruitless.. she had this nice guy by her side after all haha.. why am I still worry about her.. I should have totally moved on.. but in actually fact I can't.. Blame me for being a weakling.. I know I am.. for some reason, at least I have the courage to say it out now.. I still Love u dear.. Gd nite.. and may you be happy everyday =) that's all I could wish for u... really really miss u and Micky...
Aven..=`(
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