Jokes of The Day
FEMALE LOGICA married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. " I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce. " The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. " I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, " he says, " because I've been having an affair with your best Friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes his luck. " I want the e house," he says insistently. Up to 60.
" I want the car, too," he continues 65 mph.
" And, " he says, " I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards
and the boat." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: " Isn't there anything you want ? "
The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice.
" No, I've got everything I need." she says.
" Oh, really ? " he inquires, " so what have you got ? " Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.
"The airbag."
Never underestimate how a woman thinks.
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (Ink won't flow down to the writing surface).In order to solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
And what did Russians do.......................................??
The Russians used a Pencil!!!
Don From Tiong Bahro
A guy call Don who lives in Tiong Bahru. He often goes to bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup.
The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse."
Don was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis.
Desperate he thought, " why don't I consult traditional chinese medicine. They might have some surprises"
So, the chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub."
Don was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?"
The chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself"
The Right Person for the Right Chair?
Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try this simple experiment.
Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:
1 ) If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks
PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.
2 ) If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks
PUT THEM IN THE ENGINEERING
3 ) If they are arranging the bricks in some other order
PUT THEM IN PLANNING.
4 ) If they are throwing the bricks at each other
PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.
5 ) If they are sleeping
PUT THEM IN SECURITY.
6 ) If they have broken the bricks into pieces
PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.
7 ) If they are staring out of the window
PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT
8 ) If they are sitting idle
PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.
9 ) If they have thrown the bricks out of the window
PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.
10 ) If they are clinging onto the bricks
PUT THEM IN TREASURY.
11 ) If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a
brick has moved..
PUT THEM IN SALES.
12 ) If they have already left for the day
PUT THEM IN MARKETING.
AND last but not least....
13 ) If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved -
PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT
Two Men & A Lady
Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two fought and one KILLED the other to have the lady.
Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They both had the lady TOGETHER.
Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.
Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his advisor.
- The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.
Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.
Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.
Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing the other because she was rejected by both.
Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two men are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT on how to proceed.
BOAT QUAY HERO
Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.
Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.
Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !
Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !
Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.
The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")
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