TitLe (",)

260608

2008-06-25T01:22:00.002+08:00

Its been ages since I last update my Blog... Luckly my userId and Pwd are still remembered haha..

Recently, alot of problem concerning about $$$ is occuring to me..

For some reasons, friends of mine, relative.. all turning to me for $$$

Do you know, its really hard to reject someone especially when he/she is really in needs..

be it they require to pay off their soccer betting debt.. school fees... living expenses.. I mean you
name it.. they got it.. all sort of reasons in life..

Sometimes.. When my brain decision was to be firm and say NO.. My heart prefer otherwise..
Always putting myself in a dilemma... It's just a simple YES or NO

It is so hard?

Why do I have to face such hash reality...

I mean why can't they maintain their own finance well?

I save because I wanted to achieve my own plan and goal..
Not to help people dilute their debt.. ESP Soccer debt.. which personally
I detest the most..

All they could do is STOP USING FUTURE MONEY...

Don't keep thinking oh my pay is coming.. because your pay is for your
foreseeable future expenses...

It is not my fault that you overspend.. Don't come to me with teary eye...
It's my weakness.. Don't take my compassion for my weakness.. Try to
take advantage of me.. haha.. my advise to you is don't ever try..

Moreover, the amount they ask is increasing.. I am tired.. really tired of
entertaining such request.. even my nephew (being advise by my mother) is asking
me for his monthly pocket money... Cool isn't it.. being sort of sold by someone who
gave birth to you...

Isn't that the responsibility of my brother, who is his father, should do?
Why his father can use his hard earn money to gamble, going ktv while me
having to support for his son and daughter instead?

Although it's arguable that me as their uncle should help.. I mean of course I will
If it is reasonable for me.. For Example, his father contribute $200 and still short of $100,
For sure, I will fork out this deficit for them. Don't expect me to pay 100% for everything..
Damn it.. Considering I am supporting myself for my own school fees and living expenses,
I am still required to help this help that...

Another Irony incident is, Almost all the borrower are earning more than me haha...

Why Why Why??

Sigh.. Sometimes when you think of it.. It's easier to reject friends than relative.. Especially when
my mother is putting her pressure on me.. Moreover, I dun like to disclose such Issue to friends... Even close friend...

Perhaps.. Disclosing online is an alternative for me to destress..

The most memorable money lending incident is when my mother, as usual applying her pressure to me when my exams is just around the corner..

Imagine when I am studying, she keep nagging.... What will you feel if you were on my shoes?

To be frank, working and studying is already stressful enough for me...

I am already tired.. tired....

May tomorrow be a better day...

Maybe...

26 Sep 2007

2007-09-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

You Are Tagged! Rules of the game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!

1) I dislike hanging out in crowded places: Exception is clubbing

2) I love curry peng

3) prefer to study in the night

4) love to rush at the last min..

5) hate to be left alone

6) I sleep less than 6 hours a day

7) I am partial colour bind

8) I will feel giddy upon having coffee

9) would love to setup a biz of my own

10) the number of hours staring at computer screen is more than my sleeping time

the suay ppl I tag: Meiling, Jasmine, Si Mei, Kim leng(If he ever knew about my blog), donald and robin

Feeling Of ORDing

2007-05-07T05:42:00.000+08:00

Times really flies.. thinking back the days b4 my enlistment.. the darken days after she left me, and of course the sadden period when I saw her on my enlistment day sending her fren instead of me.. not to forget all the golden memories that I had during my NS days whereby I made some really great frens and brothers.. How I transform from a civilian to a soldier and back to civilian again.. All the stupid but unforgetable things we did in the field camp and etc..

Today is the day whereby I will receive my pink IC back again.. Although ppl might be saying.. how wonderful it is to receive back ur IC again.. But I think otherwise.. neither am I 100% happy nor 100% sad.. come to think about it.. it's just another phase in life that everyone had to go through and it is my turn now.. Anyway I am really content with what my life is for now.. really learning to treasure what I had now.. Haiz tml is my interview with panasonic.. hopefully I wun be going thru that panel interview.. Really feeling very excited now haha..

Bad Year 2007

2007-01-03T04:28:00.000+08:00

It's been such a bad year for me esp for 2007.. too much stuff happen le.. esp with xiaoli.. but den it's a good experience for me.. not to give away my trust so easily to others anymore..

No matters what happen.. I will always stay strong and happy de even if she isn't around my side anymore.. Just dun like the way she keep saying sorry to me.. I kidda feel that I am being cheated or whatsoever.. I mean how can u keep changing your mind.. saying yes for a moment and suddenly regret ur decision for more than once.. If only sorry can cure everything..

My mind had never been so clear b4.. my heart has gonna experience the pain once again.. my trust has been broken twice again and lastly what I want to say is that "Dun say thank you if you dun meant it.. dun say sorry if you dun meant it"

ACCA Registration

2006-12-03T05:27:00.000+08:00

Today, I finally went to register for the ACCA course. Thinking about to 2004 June, that was when I have completed CAT course, although I could have started studying for ACCA by then, but there was this native thinking of me wanting to spend more time with her, that result in today slow progression. All I receive from my committment was disappointment and loneliness. Registeration was easy as I just need to go down to FTC to sign up as their student etc.. Only the registeration for the student membership is more tedious as I need to submit all my cert including GCE 'O' Level.. and of course, alot of hidden cost.. which is in term of pounds. But since I decided to study, the cost element/factor shouldn't be my considering factor. At least this was what I felt at that moment. At least, my family could lead a better life after I became a CPA in future.

27 Nov 2006

2006-11-27T04:22:00.000+08:00

The time now is 423am in the morning of 27 Nov 2006.. I just can't get to sleep.. coz images of her keep poping up on my mind.. Why can't just let me sleep peacefully without having to recall about her.. arg!!!... Memories of us spending the night chatting at the playground nearby her place just days before we last patch back.. And how sweet she was when I first know her.. recall 'them' do brings me sweet feeling of the past.. but also the heartache.. It's not something that could be describe with words.. Is it true that all good thing muz come to an end?

One more month b4 the starting of my ACCA classes.. hopefully I could make use of studying to forget her instead of clubbing.. Like the saying that goes 'Time will heal all wounds'.. is it true? but how come it don't seem to be happening to me? Perhaps I am tired le.. really tired..

26 Nov 2006

2006-11-26T03:44:00.000+08:00

Today was a busy day for me.. woke up feeling so confuse.. but eventually I still make my way down to MOS to support Roy for his DJ competition.. and the most funny thing that happen was when the ppl tired to take photo of us.. all of us simply had this instinct to siam lol.. After the private function, despite numerous invitation to club tonight, I decided to go home.. espically after last night thingy, I really dun wan to indulge myself into clubbing.. But what really stop me from going clubbing was I need to be alone to think over some matters.. So Instead of taking train which is suppose to be the fastest way back home, I choose to take bus 80 back.. at least I could have some private time thinking over it.. Haiz.. 11/2 yr is such a long time.. but yet still not long enuff to forget someone u really love b4.. Even till now when I am writing this.. my mind is still very confuse.. I knew I had to moved on coz there isn't any hope of getting back together as we didn't even contact since the day we broke off.. but writing is easier den doing.. like what jazjaz told me.. ppl in love is so stuipd haa.. Ahh sometime I wish.. I could just forget everything but I can't

Now I am just like a dead man walking thru this cruel world.. good nite

25 Nov 2006

2006-11-25T04:55:00.000+08:00

Just came back from clubbing at club momo.. Though it's was nothing different from the usual clubbing, today I saw one of bin bing fren.. also a exclassmate from the san yu advertist school.. her name is Melissa.. can't really recall her.. but kidda remember coz the last time I saw her was with bin bing at marina square-fun fare.. but it was all history.. Upon seeing her, I could almost recall the days I had with bin bing.. perhaps I am kidda 'high' now.. but from the day we broke up, she had always been in my heart despite my effort of hiding her presence and stuff lidat.. I hate to admit that even up till now, she is still the one I love most, Disappoint me most blah blah blah.. For dunno what reason, I decide to view her friendster one last time(although the idea always come thru my mind when I am sober) and saw her with another guy.. ahhh it might be her future bf.. congrats =) as I will hope she will eventually get someone who will love her with all his heart since I can't affort to provide her that anymore..(",) Recently I have been listening to a Singer Li Sheng Jie song.. the title is 很想說.. it 90% describe what I wanted to tell her all along though considering we have broke up for almost yearly 1 1/2 year.. She is still the one I love the most.. even up till now, no one could ever replace her position in my heart at all.. despite the damages she done to me.. haiz.. I was so tired of relationship after my last broke up and decided not to commit another one till I could totally forget about her.. but I can't.. I really can't.. I hate myself for that.. After such a bloody long time, why is she still always on my mind.. I should have forget all about her .. Forgetting all my good or bad memories of her.. but I can't.. I know that deep in my heart although I always proudly tell my friend that I had long forgotton about her... Till now, I am still hurt.. every now and den.. I dun wish to stay alone esp at night coz I will recall about her.. Can someone please teach me a way to forget about her.. please.. I am really suffering badly.. I didn't know love could be so miserable so terrible when u really give all u could to her.. and all I receive in return is just... dun think any words could describe my emotion now.. and hopefully these are the last tears I will shed for her.. I really hope so.. Enough is enough.. now that she had someone by her side.. I should be happy for her.. =)

At least I felt so much better after typing out all these.. these are stuff that I had been keeping inside my heart since the day we broke up... Since I tried to convice everyone single one that I actually forgotton about her but I didn't.. and how much I wanted to msg her happy bdae on 0911 every single year.. but I can't.. I know I can't.. even though she msg had been typed out.. but I simply dun hab the courage to send to her.. coz.... Ahhh I have been so miserable.. that sometime I hope I am dead.. without trouble and worries.. even this year bdae, I dun wish to celebrate coz I was worry about there isn't any one celebrating for her.. but guess that thinking of mine was fruitless.. she had this nice guy by her side after all haha.. why am I still worry about her.. I should have totally moved on.. but in actually fact I can't.. Blame me for being a weakling.. I know I am.. for some reason, at least I have the courage to say it out now.. I still Love u dear.. Gd nite.. and may you be happy everyday =) that's all I could wish for u... really really miss u and Micky...

Aven..=`(

TINY FROG

2006-11-04T08:15:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... Who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....

The race began.... Honestly: No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

You heard statements such as: "Oh, WAY too difficult!!" "They will NEVER make it to the top." or: "Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!" The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one.... Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher.... The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up.... But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....
This one wouldn't give up! At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top! THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal? It turned out....
That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is:
Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.... because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!>
Always think of the power words have. Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions! Therefore: ALWAYS be....POSITIVE! And above all: Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams! Always think: God and I can do this!
Most people walk in and out of your life......but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart In two days tomorrow will be yesterday. Today is no special day and I have no particular reason for writing to you... I have no news to tell you.... nor any problems to discuss with you.... or gossip to tell you... It's only one of those happy moments ... when I thought of you...and I would like to share these thoughts with you...MANY SMILES BEGIN BECAUSE OF ANOTHER SMILE...

To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the world. You have been Tagged by the Froggy, which means you are a great friend!! If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

Hold the hand u love

2006-11-04T08:14:00.000+08:00

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold ours... This story is too short..........but carries a lot of feeling...

RUNNING IN THE RAIN

2006-11-04T08:12:00.000+08:00

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in K-Mart. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.

It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just nside the door of the K-Mart.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child come pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in "Mum, let's run through the rain," she said. "What?" Mum asked.

"Let's run through the rain!" She repeated.

"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mum replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: "Mum, let's run through the rain,"
"We'll get soaked if we do," Mum said. "No, we won't, Mum. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mum's arm.

Mum said, "This morning? ... When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?" "Don't you remember?" Little girl replied. "When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!"

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes. Mum paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's' life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mum said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as theydarted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars. And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing. Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories .. So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make
memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

A friend sent this to me to remind me of life. Hope you enjoy it.

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this to the people you'll never forget. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.

Good Things To Learn

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

TOUCHING STORY

2006-11-04T08:09:00.000+08:00

lease read & think.

Daughter-In-Law: "When I cooked food which is blend, you will grumble that they are tasteless. Now that I have cooked saltier, you complained that you can't swallow this at all! What exactly do you want?"

When the son came back, the mother immediately ate the food without a word. She stared at him. The son took a taste on his mother's food and spitted out immediately.

He ranted at his wife," Didn't I told you that my mother cannot take too salty food?!" The wife shouted,"OK! She's your mum! You cook for her in future!" After saying that, she stormed into their room angrily.

Feeling helpless, the son told the mother,"Mum, don't eat this anymore. I will cook you a bowl of noodles." The mother said,"Son, you have something to tell me? Don't keep everything to yourself."

Son: "Mum, I am going to get promoted soon and my upcoming working schedule will be very, very tight...and as for my wife...ummm...she said she will be going out to work...."

The mother understood what he meant and said in a begging manner,"Son, Please don't send me to the Old Folks' Home.." The son remained silent and tried to think of a good reason to persuade her mother.

Then he said," There is nothing wrong with the Old Folks' Home. Once my Wife had went out to work, no one will serve you as well as the Home which provides you meals and care. It would definitely much better than being at home."

The son went for a bath after that and went into the Study Room. He looked Out from the windows and thought back and hesitated a while....

His mother has been remaining as a widow since she was young with him, and brought him up painstakingly, solely. She tried all means to earn as much as she could, in order to support him in studying overseas. Yet she expected nothing nor used her past painful experience to threaten his son to be filial.

While now, his wife is threatening him with the stake of their marriage. "Should I send my Mum to the Home?" He asked himself. "The only person who will accompany you till the end of your life would be your wife.." said a friend before.

"Your mother is in old age now, and if she's lucky, she might be able to live for a few more years longer. Why not be filial to her for this period of time? reminded by some relatives.

He was stuck in a dilemma. He did not want to think anymore, in order not to affect his decision. The son found a Home with high standards, built on a beautiful and tranquil mountain top. He told himself that he would feel much better when the more he spent.

When the son helped his mother into the lobby of the Home, the 42" TV was turned on. The programme shown on screen was a comedy. But no one was laughing.

A few old folks, dressed similarly in clothing, were sitting there, in a daze. There was one who was sitting improperly on a sofa, there was one who was bending down to pick up a piece of biscuit from the floor, there was one who was talking to himself...

The son knew that his mother likes sunlight, so he chose a room with ample sun rays shining into the room. By viewing out from the room, was a big piece of greenery scene. Few nurses were wheeling some old folks out for some fresh air. It was so pathetic of silence in the background. The sun would still need to set down. Soon it was dusk. The son told the mother,"Mum, I am leaving."

The mother waved to him to say goodbye, opening her toothless mouth.. He turned back to look at his mother. She was full of grey hair and wrinkled skin with deep set eyes... He found that she was really old.

He remembered when he was six, due to some circumstances, his mother Cannot bring him along with her thus temporarily placed him at a relative's home for few days. He recalled hugging his mother's thigh and begged her not to leave him alone. In the end, his mother never leave him alone and decide to stay with him. He stopped thinking and left.

When he returned home, his wife and his mother-in-law were busy discarding things from his mother's room, happily. One of the discarded item was his tall trophy which he won as First Prize when he was young. He wrote an essay on "MY MOTHER".

The second item discarded was a dictionary. That was the first gift from his mother, who scrimped and saved for a month in order to buy for him. He shouted, "enough! Stop discarding anymore!"

His mother-in-law cried," There were so much rubbish. If don't discard, there would not be any place for my stuff.." His wife continued,"Yeah! Need to dump away that old, stinky bed of your mum too. We will buy a new bed for my mum later," He saw some pictures from the stack..they were taken at a zoo and Amusement park when his mother brought him there. "These are precious Belongings of my Mum! You can't discard them!" "What sort of attitude is this? I demand you to apologise to my Mum NOW!" ranted the wife.

The husband said," When I got married with you, that showed that I will love your Mum too. But why can't you do the same too?" He went back to the Home and saw his mother weeping in between her frail legs. She was missing the moments when her son would apply ointment for her every night...

The son kneeled before her and said,"Mum, here I come. I brought the Ointment too." The mother said," I will apply it myself, Son! You still need to work tomorrow. Go home, Son!" The son said,"Mum, please forgive me! Let's go home!"

Hope this is inspirational and touching to you. Without our parents, we won't be here. No parents will resort to harm their own children. They only want the benefits for them.

For Daughters & Sons: Please remember to return gratitude to your dads and mums. For Daughter-In-Laws & Sons-In-Laws: Please love your in laws as you did to your parents, coz without them, you will not find your partners... they are parents too..

CONTENTMENT

2006-11-04T08:05:00.000+08:00

Have you ever, at any one time, had the feeling that life is bad, real bad, and you wish you were in another situation?

You find life make things difficult for you, work sucks, life sucks, everything seems to go wrong...Read the following story... it may change your views about life:

After a conversation with one of my friends, he told me despite taking 2 jobs, he brings back barely above 1K per month, he is happy as he is. I wonder how he can be as happy as he is considering he has to skimp his life with the low pay to support a pair of old parents, in-laws, a wife, 2 daughters and the many bills of a household.

He explained that it was through one incident that he saw in India .........that happened a few years ago when he was really feeling low and touring Indiaafter a major setback. He said that right in front of his very eyes he saw an Indian mother chop off her child's right hand with a chopper. The helplessness in the mother's eyes, the scream of pain from the innocent 4-year-old child haunted him until today.

You may ask why did the mother do so; had the child been naughty, had the child's hand been infected?? No, it was done for two simple words- -
- TO BEG!

The desperate mother deliberately caused the child to be handicapped so that the child could go out to the streets to beg. Taken aback by the scene, he dropped a piece of bread he was eating half-way. And almost instantly, a flock of 5 or 6 children swamped towards this small piece of bread which was covered with sand, robbing bits from one another.

The natural reaction of hunger. Stricken by the happenings, he instructed his guide to drive him to the nearest bakery. He arrived at two bakeries and bought every single loaf of bread he found in the bakeries. The owner was dumbfounded but willingly sold everything. He spent less than $100 to obtain about 400 loaves of bread (this is less than $0.25 per loaf) and spent another $100 to get daily necessities.

Off he went in the truck full of bread into the streets. As he distributed the bread and necessities to the children (mostly handicapped) and a few adults, he received cheers and bows from these unfortunate. For the first time in his life he wondered how people can give up their dignity for a loaf of bread which cost less than $0.25.

He began to tell himself how fortunate he is. How fortunate he is to be able to have a complete body, have a job, have a family, have the chance to complain what food is nice and what isn't nice, have the chance to be clothed, have the many things that these people in front of him are deprived of...

Now I begin to think and feel it, too! Was my life really that bad? Perhaps... no, I should not feel bad at all... What about you?

Maybe the next time you think you are, think about the child who lost one hand to beg on the streets.

"Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have."

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Parental Love

2006-11-04T08:03:00.000+08:00

Very meaningful, please take time to read on .....

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the tree top, ate the apple, took a nap under the shadow.... He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him.

Time went by... The little boy had grown up and he no longer played aound the tree everyday.

One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad. "Come and play with me," the tree asked the boy. "I am no longer a kid. I don't play around trees anymore." The boy replied, "I want toys. I need money to buy them."

"Sorry, but I don't have money but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money."

The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy returned and the tree was so excited. "Come and play with me" the tree said. "I don't have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?"

"Sorry, but I don't have a house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house."

So the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the boy returned and the tree was delighted. "Come and play with me!" the tree said. "I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?"

"Use my truck to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy."

So the boy cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never owed up for a long time.

Finally, the boy returned after he left for so many years. "Sorry, my boy. But I don't have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you....." the tree said. "I don't have teeth to bite" the boy replied.

"No more trunk for you to climb on."
"I am too old for that now" the boy said.

"I really can't give you anything..... The only thing left is my dying roots" the tree said with tears. "I don't need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years." The boy replied.

"Good! Old tree roots is the the best place to lean on and rest. Come, come sit down with me and rest."

The boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears......

This is a story of everyone. The tree is our parent. When we were young,
we loved to play with Mom and Dad. When we grow up, we leave them.....
only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble. No
matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could
to make you happy. You may think the boy is cruel to the tree but that's
how all of us are treating our parents.

Cup or Coffee

2006-11-04T08:00:00.000+08:00

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for each of you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Wat all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

So, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead

What is LOVE and Marriage.....??

2006-11-04T07:59:00.000+08:00

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?" The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to
pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big padi, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the padi f ield, he start to realize that the padi is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted !!!! So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person...."

"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the bigges t corn and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

"The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage."

FaMilY

2006-11-04T07:57:00.000+08:00

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

What A Sweet Dream I Had..

2006-11-04T06:59:00.000+08:00

Once again.. had a dream that I actually patch back with her.. went out taking a stroll, went to a wet market near bedok for meal etc.. although the moment was short.. but it indeed was sweet enuff.. So long I didn't hab that kind of feeling whereby I had everything on this damn world when she was by my side.. however, the sad thing is when I woke up and actually realise that it was just a dream haha.. Thinking back, it's been so long since we last saw each other. I wonder how is she doing now, but one thing for sure.. there no way tat we will communicate with one another for the fear that history will once again repeat itself.

Recently there has been a trend of ppl breaking up or having lots of trouble in their bgr itself.. few example are like some of my campmate, my clubbing frens and of course some I knew in club or internet.. From what I see, most of the breaking up is b.coz of miscommunication and lacking of trust. Though something I can't help much when they come to me for help haha.. but I do have some time to chat with them on e phone or thru smses to kidda lent them a listening ear.. at the same time during the console process, it also reminds me of my past.. how much heart pain I had during the lonely night whereby I had no one to confide to.. and when I mean heart pain, it's really so painfully that you could feel it both physically and mentally.. At times, I always question myself.. why is it after so much committment, time and even after a previous lesson of breaking up.. why do we still have to reach this stage whereby we couldn't be friends anymore.. At least one thing I realise is.. like people always say.. time will heal all wounds.. but this I have to disagree slightly.. Yes~~ time will heal.. but it will depends on the depth of love u contributed.. and sometimes the level is so deep that even 'time' can't reach to recover it.. Maybe it's b.coz her bdae is coming.. that why I tends to be abit more depress recently which I know I shouldn't but do I have a choice in the first place?

Haiz.. another thing hor.. is that qing.. despite my effort to give her morning call.. she is still late for work.. really bth.. and Xue Fen is leaving sg tml morning.. should I sent her at the airport together with her parents? but there this stupid meeting I had at cmpb on monday itself 820am.. Although I dun mind going to the airport to send her.. but I kidda shy bah.. esp when her family member is around haha.. Wow.. to my surprise qing just send me a morning msg haha.. at first I though it's great that she could wake up so early by herself.. but end up I found out she didn't slp the whole night haha.. but I m happy for at least she will still show some concern for me coz I told her I wasn't feeling so great the last night.. Today is sat.. what can I do? playing game at home as usual or going out with Eve,Phobie and Jasper together with my campmate.. if given a choice, I will choose to stay at home =)

Jokes of The Day

2006-11-03T05:51:00.000+08:00

FEMALE LOGIC
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. " I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce. " The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again. " I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, " he says, " because I've been having an affair with your best Friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes his luck. " I want the e house," he says insistently. Up to 60.

" I want the car, too," he continues 65 mph.

" And, " he says, " I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards
and the boat." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: " Isn't there anything you want ? "

The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice.
" No, I've got everything I need." she says.

" Oh, really ? " he inquires, " so what have you got ? " Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.
"The airbag."

Never underestimate how a woman thinks.

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (Ink won't flow down to the writing surface).In order to solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

And what did Russians do.......................................??

The Russians used a Pencil!!!

Don From Tiong Bahro

A guy call Don who lives in Tiong Bahru. He often goes to bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse."

Don was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis.

Desperate he thought, " why don't I consult traditional chinese medicine. They might have some surprises"

So, the chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub."

Don was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?"

The chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself"

The Right Person for the Right Chair?

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try this simple experiment.

Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:

1 ) If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks

PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.

2 ) If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks

PUT THEM IN THE ENGINEERING

3 ) If they are arranging the bricks in some other order

PUT THEM IN PLANNING.

4 ) If they are throwing the bricks at each other

PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.

5 ) If they are sleeping

PUT THEM IN SECURITY.

6 ) If they have broken the bricks into pieces

PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.

7 ) If they are staring out of the window

PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT

8 ) If they are sitting idle

PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.

9 ) If they have thrown the bricks out of the window

PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.

10 ) If they are clinging onto the bricks

PUT THEM IN TREASURY.

11 ) If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a
brick has moved..

PUT THEM IN SALES.

12 ) If they have already left for the day

PUT THEM IN MARKETING.

AND last but not least....

13 ) If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved -

PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT

Two Men & A Lady

Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two fought and one KILLED the other to have the lady.

Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They both had the lady TOGETHER.

Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.

Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his advisor.
- The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.

Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.

Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.

Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing the other because she was rejected by both.

Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two men are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT on how to proceed.

BOAT QUAY HERO

Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.

Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.

Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !

Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !

Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.

The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")

Stress Stress Stresss

2006-11-01T07:37:00.000+08:00

Nov is finally approaching.. My bdae, her bdae and the opening of registeration for ACCA haha (",) For no reason, I really dun feel like celebrating my bdae this yr.. It's just another day isn't it.. But I really hope there someone by her side planning her bdae celebration for her.. Though we are over.. but I still have the rite to wish for her happiness.. ahem but sliently haha.. Haiz.. my focus now is mainly on my studies related stuff.. budden I hope to celebrate my next yr bdae with a partner by den ^^

Ahhh I am so fan now.. should I take up 2, 3 or 4 modules for my course.. 2 modules is acceptable for me.. while 3 modules is busy but 4 modules will be damn tiring.. Aiya see how first bah.. seriously I will take into account Zhen Shan recommendation.. If got fren to accompany me lagi best haha..but just as what Xue Fen say.. we should be independant.. Eh seriously I really find her char very special.. Budden one thing about her.. think she dunno how long dun hab bf liao lol.. same as my buddy Kim Leng.. haha

Recently I hab been giving morning call to Qing.. budden she really very lazy sia.. wake her up le den she go back to slp again haiz.. but thinking back.. isn't it the same when I was studying in poly when they called me but I went back to slp again haha.. =X
Think my attitude towards learning needs to change.. starting from today, revision for my ACCA will begin.. Seeing Xue Fen so hardworking also kidda motivate me haha.. Oh ya hor.. dunno whether should I go send her when she leaving singapore on the 5th of Nov 3am flight lol.. Actually I wanted to go de.. but her family also there ahem.. abit funny lor.. I like extra lidat if I would to go haha..

My Target for Nov..
1) Reduce the number of times of clubbing session
2) Revise all my CAT stuff as in order to prepare for my ACCA
3) Check out all the detail of ACCA carefully
4) Plan in advance for 1 yr of study budget
5) Refrain from excessive drinking

Bored~~

2006-10-13T06:43:00.000+08:00

For no reason, I been feeling damn empty recently.. not being the reason that I am single or what.. just abit sian.. perhaps it's b.coz I really got nothing much to do anyway.. Think it's about time to actually start my revision for my acca stuff.. but every single time when I tried to read up on the textbook, I tend to fall asleep very fast haha.. Anyway exchanged a few smses with xue fen yesterday.. really felt happy for her when she told me about her interview for the scholoarship at milan.. although the chances of getting it is rare.. but there still hope for her to fullfill her dreams.. Recently one of my netFriend got into some relationship problem.. and so I spend some time chatting with her on e phone hoping that I could somehow lent her a listening ear so that she could feel better.. Even some of my fren in camp had their own relationship problem.. Now, I realize how lucky I am to actually stay being single.. or should I say.. I am really tired of being lie upon, end up worrying about this and that.. relationship is all abt trust.. but I dun seems to trust anyone now.. Think I am really qualifed to become a para consultant for any relationship problem.. dunno for what reason, ppl like to tell me any relationship problem they had... Though I really dun mind.. but the more story I listen too.. the least I wanted to start another one.. lol

Moodcake Festival

2006-10-06T06:32:00.000+08:00

What did you do on the Moodcake Festival? Meeting up fren or staying at home with ur loved ones?

Mine was rather simple.. Just staying at home, playing some stupid but time consuming online game and not forgetting wishing my frens happy zhong qiu jie..

Initially, I wanted to go for a jog coz it's simply too boring liao.. but thanks to those indo selfish arsehole whom created this stupid haze thing.. well human beings are selfish after all =p

My Studies My Future

2006-09-29T06:31:00.000+08:00

Recently went to checkup the ACCA forum for any lastest happening.. Sad to say, saw alot of ppl commenting that the new ACCA syllabus is so much harder to pass as compare to the old syllabus.. Why is it always me to test out those new stuff? In army, during my Sispec training, I am the first pionner batch to go for CSB course, now the new ACCA syllabus.. Though alot of them keep advicing me to go for RMIT degree course instead as it is much easier to pass as compare to ACCA esp with the new syllabus in place.. However, the worse thing that paranoid me is the departure of the 2 best lecturer in SAA as they think that the new syllabus is so much harder to teach.. Haiz.. best lecturer with this kind of attitude.. is it really so much harder to teach or they just simply didn't want to upgrade themselves? Anyway thanks to Yc to introduce me zhenShan as although she did solve alot of my enquires about the course material.. budden she email the new syllabus to the wrong email acc.. haiz..

Rite now, I m really confuse.. should I go ahead for RMIT acc degree or ACCA.. RMIT degree although easier to obtain, but now not througly recongize in the big4 maybe only Banks do employee ppl with RMIT degree.. ACCA recongize throughout the world.. but so much harder to obtain.. plus with the new syllabus, English is a killer I heard.. 2 more months for me to make a decision le.. Fan Si Wo Me TMD

Love Life Secrets

2006-09-08T14:02:00.000+08:00

***Your Love Life Secrets Are***

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

Although you may have been hurt before, you tend to bring very little scars into new relationships.

It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off.

In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it.

You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed
http://www.blogthings.com/yourlovelifesecretsrevealedquiz/

Hmm only the 2, 4 and 5 is true wor (",)

Morning Inspiration~~

2006-09-08T05:35:00.000+08:00

Yeah.. I am really movitivated to study now.. but the stupid damn course required me to wait and wait and wait.. Well, I just hope that after completing my ACCA, there is this possiblilities that it could fetch me good salaries hee..

Hmm World food fair from 6 to 10 of sept at singapore expo.. that the msg I spread across to all my friend who is attached currently.. at least I know, they could have gone there with their loved ones to enjoy themseleves..

It's so bored these few days.. nothing much to do either.. just that those new recruits are really getting on my nerve.. Sad to say.. I just made them vomit on their first day of enlistment when they farking disobey my instruction to them.. like what my old trainee once told me.. I have an innocent look But... Oh well, I must agree my temper is not something they should tempt with.. At least for now.. they are kidda scare of me which allows me to control them more easily..

In my unit, there are alot of office ladies working on the block in front of me.. some still fall inside the catageory of ah lian.. seeing the way they dress themseleves.. while many are 'political'... so everytime when I go up.. They always like to ask this ask that.. even for a very small matters.. That when I will usually 'smoke' them, making them confuse.. haha.. there is this saying.. 'If you cannot convice them.. confuse them' =p Still can remember when I am on the advance instructor course, those Instructor always question me on my abilities on managing the trainees.. maybe b.coz of my looks.. they always like to comment on stuff like 'will you be bully by them?' and stuff like that.. Oh well, perhaps they should come and witness the way I treat them when they piss me off.. As least action talk louder than words.. No point learning so much instructional theory and yet you can even apply on them in real life suitation...

ORD in less than 8 months.. and still counting =)

Funny Dream I had..

2006-09-07T06:01:00.000+08:00

Guess who I actually dream off? It was my ex gf.. Can't really remember what she told me in the dream.. but it aren't important.. coz whatever is gone is gone.. but I am just surprise why I didn't went away without listening to her.. Perhaps subconciously, there still this little place in my heart that still cannot forget about her.. Haiz.. leaving me so confuse when I woke up...

Hmmm I will be going down to zouk on the either 24 or 27 this month coz Roy is spinning at phuture.. bo bian Zzzz help to go down support.. Though I hate phuture alot alot.. Well, to be frank, it's just the crowd or should I say those despo guys who will in fact try their very best to push u away while u are dancing simply b.coz there is a girl in front of you.. As inside phuture is so pack.. they will have the chances to ahem ahem.. Even MOS cage have these kind of asshole.. Dun understand why all those girl still wanna dance in phuture knowing that these kind of despo exsist?

Yeah.. Counting down towards my ORD day.. 8 more months to go.. and 3 more month to my ACCA course start.. The stress is slowly building up though since I have been revising for that haha =X

Memories...

2006-09-06T04:59:00.000+08:00

Seeing my new recruits coming in with their loved ones being together with them reminds me of my own enlistment day.. Thanks to Jos that bring up the topic of 'What if your gf didn't attend ur enlistment but attend other ppl enlistment.. how will you feel' This topic bring a spark in me.. reminding me during my enlistment day.. I happen to saw one of my ex-gf whom who broke up just a month b4 my enlistment.. so coincidently.. she went to 'send' her friend for his enlistment.. As only Yow cheng know what really happen to me as I did told him b4.. He stri away looked at me laughing and at the same time.. telling everyone there 'aven ex gf lor.. she attend aven enlistment but not sending aven but her friend' Of course.. I am not angry with him or what coz it's not really something important to me anymore..

However seeing them bringing their gf along.. I really envy them in a way or another.. at least b4 their civilian life ended for 2 yrs, they have their current gf with them.. Although I tried to convince myself that at least my mother and aunt did came along with me.. Haiz.. but it didn't really help much in the end.. My mood for the whole freaking day was being affected.. Luckly Jess and Colleen hab been keeping me occupied by SMSing me.. of course I didn't tell them what really happen.. coz I dun wish to let the whole world to know What am failure I am in relationships... Anyway Jess did asked me to meet up with her after work.. coz she wanted to introduce a friend of her to me.. Nah.. she just didn't ask during the right time.. haha.. Actually even if normal days.. I wouldn't have go also.. Wow.. today I realize sumthing.. That Colleen ah.. is really damn violent sia lol.. But at least she's honest with me.. and most of all, she's those faithful type.. Really envy her bf lor haha.. Last but not least, Phobie told me a good news.. that she's going to be a Mum.. Wow.. Finally after so long.. Oops.. Think Thomas should be flying already haha..

Hmm my new recruits are mostly N/O level intake.. actually it's kidda good for me also coz I am also from that level once b4.. Just that b.coz of Xue Fen and Desmond.. I manage to climb up all the way to Poly.. Although my result isn't that great.. due to relationship problem arrising b4 entering poly.. and it did affect me greatly... How many times in life can you stand the pain of seeing ur loved ones going steady with another guy and yet you can't do a thing about it.. But anyway even till now, I am still glad that these 2 great ppl come across my life.. Without them, I dun think there any chances for me to enter polytechic.. And of course without her.. I would be able to mature so fast either.. And the worse thing is.. she still left one set of her clothing in my drawer.. Dun think she will be taking them anymore.. So I will official remove them on my 23th bdae.. As I think i have waited long enough for her also haiz.. The thing I misses most should be Micky bah.. all I can do now is just to look at his photo and always keep him in my heart =)

Another Enlistment Day

2006-09-05T05:39:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. today is the day whereby another batch of recruits will be enlisting.. that mark the end of my lull period. Well actually I am qutie tired of teaching over and over again the same old damn thing.. However come to think of it.. instead of showing them my sian faces.. why not be abit more active so that they could also enjoy their time here.

Sian.. whenever I got alot of stuff to blog, my lazyness just drag me away from the computer.. only when I am present here to blog.. den my mind went empty haha.. dun even know what to type or write here.

Wow it's actually rainning now.. wonder how many parent will be bringing umberlla here if not I can't imagine how they are going to enter the base without getting themselves well haha.. Lucky we got prepare some umberlla for them.. so maybe later I will ask some trainees to fetch them from outside using our patheic small umberlla bah.

Have been busy with my new computer stuff as I wanted a set with good colour combination as well as the required processing speed and grapical quality.. Finally I got a new LCD despite my old monitor that have been used for a good whole 9 yrs.. haha.. come to think of it, that CRT is really worth the money hee.. Ahhh think I better go get prepare for my enlistment stuff.. coz I wanna play some music for those kiasu parent that will arrive here as early as 0730am in the morning but not knowing that the actual stuff will only begin at 0900am.. Oh.. think Jun huang and Robin really did aids me alot yesterday when I was reading the stupid preamble oath taking stuff..

Oh last weekend while we went MOS, WOW.. as expected it was a damn lousy clubbing experience.. the crowd that is either too young or too mature for me.. and there's this funny girl who actually trap me in one corner by dancing nearer and nearer to me.. den I have to shift more toward my left untill i reach a dead end and.. But it was only untill I and my friend kidda hint her that there isn't any space for me to dance.. Only after a good 15 mins den that girl and her friend decided to shift away.. ha.. maybe she was waiting for me to know her bah.. but I aren't interested lor.. beside I dun have this habit of knowing girls from club anymore... Den feeling damn sian.. me and robin went to club momo since it's kidda near and the entry is free also, stri away we head towards the dance floor coz the music there is way better than those at stupid MOS.. pui... den there this 2 ladies beside us that kidda catch my attention.. not b.coz of their looks.. but volume of their conversation.. despite the blasting music.. i still can heard their conservation.. so u can imagine lor haha.. they were saying like.. why they never ask us to dance together.. So in my mind, I was thinking maybe their friend ignore them or what.. nvm not my biz anyway haha.. den the next moment.. she was standing in front of me, tapping me on my shoulder ask ing for my name.. Though I was abit stunned.. but I still introduce myself coz it isn't good to siam right away making myself looking like a fool.. den her friend went over to robin and do the same thing.. can't really remember what question she was asking me on that night coz I aren't interested in her anyway.. all I know, I was laughing all the way at robin since her friend is those ahem ahem.. and I didn't really dance after she was standing right in front of me.. maybe b.coz I am shy bah haha.. den she keep asking me to dance but obvious I ignore her haha... but she came up with a stupid question, Are you gay? why are you dancing with a guy just now and not with me.. WTF obviously right.. are you my friend? I dun think we are very close lor.. and why the f.. should I dance with u.. siao!!!
but I didn't gib her an answer.. not b.coz I am gay haha.. Anyway luckly Robin gf was drunk at Zouk and he had to go and send her home.. so after we bid goodbye to those 2 ladies, Robin send me back to MOS first thru cab b4 he headed his way towards Zouk..

Ahhh si bei sian.. think I better start to prepare my stuff for later.. to prevent any unwanted thing to happen haha..

"We each plant a seed in our lifetime, Though we may not have the chance to sit under it, but Someday.... Someone Will"

Time passes so fast~~~

2006-08-06T01:16:00.000+08:00

Wow really surprise me when I happen to check my friendster account and realize that many of my friend are getting married le lol.. Really wish them happy forever and ever hee.. esp to benny and shu fen.. still can remember how shu fen broke up with her ex bf during our clubbing at zouk and how benny was so angry with his ex bf for breaking her heart.. end up we chat downstair my blk untill I also bth liao.. had our breakfast together with her and I went back home.. few weeks later, from what kenny told me, they become couple liao lol.. si bei fast sia.. but anyway benny and shu fen are two nice ppl so I really wish them all e best though they never invite me sob sob

Ahh I am going to be 23 this yr le.. it's about time to start searching for my own happiness le bah lol..

Boring Saturday

2006-08-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

Though today is sat.. but it just feel like any one of those normal days whereby I am slacking, rotting and pondering what really going on! I simply hate the 'emptiness' that is happening each and everyday and often wondering what I have to do next haa..

Today also pass by meaninglessly lol.. first I reach home, went to slp stri after I finish washing my clothes. When I woke up, it's actually reaching 9pm.. standard thing.. checking my phone first.. few missed call and smses.. meet up Xue Fen after her dinner just next to my blk blah blah blah.. just happen to know that she kidda scare of Mr Low lol.. anyway we chat for about half an hour while walking her back..and just nice my house toilet is still under repair and I dun feel it's a good idea for her to come up despite she need to use the toilet quite urgently lol.. so muz walk abit faster for her to get back home fast enough.. think my pace of walking is abit fast for her for I keep seeing her trying to catch up.. but subconciously, my fast walking pace pick up again hee.. ahem.. anyway we didn't have much topic to talk about lol.. maybe we didn't meet up for quite some time le.. ahh but she did mention that I am gaining weight.. thanks to the stupid fever that makes my face bloated arghhhh

Yesterday the yin yue ri ji did mention a guy whereby he happen to saw his 5 yrs ago ex gf and kidda miss her and started to wonder is he again fallen in love with her again.. anyway I agree with the host comment.. He shouldn't think that way since it's something that happen so long ago.. the memories might be there but the feeling has changed. For she might have already someone by her side..

Ahh I finally told Xue Fen about the 'Click' movie le.. but dun think she will be able to catch the show in respect of her beri busy schedule haaa.. actually being busy isn't bad lor at least u are doing something meaningful and making full use of ur time.. but sometime u tend to neglect ppl around you whom are way more important. For you tends to overlooked their importance and often they only realize and regret only when they are gone..

So Bored So Bored!!! life so boring hahaha

Dang

2006-08-01T06:50:00.000+08:00

Haa.. just blog yesterday saying that I would strongly recommend xue fen to watch da movie nia.. just nice this morning she msg me to meet up.. what a coincident..

I wonder what's wrong within my camp.. why always got lost animals de.. we just saved one small little kitten.. now it's another two little bird that drop from her nest.. though me and my friend tried to put it back but it's kidda way too high for us to reach.. and I could see the mother bird aniexty coz she keep flying near us. But I know those 2 bird would be able to survive as where the hell am i going to find the worms to feed them (",)

2 hours later after we found them, I tired to get them out just behind their nest and hopefully their mom could fetch them some worms.. after waiting patiently for 1 hour I simply give up.. coz their mom dun seems to be returning back anymore.. However I will still do the same thing again tonight.. just pray for some miracle to happen hee..

Wahaha finally I'm going to upgrade my laggy computer kakaka but the new computer will surely cost me a bomb =X

I'm Feel Great~~~~

2006-07-31T03:16:00.000+08:00

Wow after a min-night movie.. I am feeling so much better.. though I didn't really get to know the title of that show(coz I downloaded it without knowing) but it's such an meaningful show.

The moral of the story basically is telling us not to waste our life or neglect your loved one.. damn I will strongly recommend this superb show to everyone of my friends espcially xuefen haa..

Ahh so tired.. now is around 3 17am in the morning haa.. time to sleep now close your eye, try to think of tomorrow but will you still love me in the morning? (",)

Only Love

2006-07-27T20:50:00.000+08:00

It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm.

It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the people moving like little dots. Standing in a heated room, I'm beginning to pity those people. Why don't they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning?

"Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy." One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. "Still needs to work overtime on Valentine's Day. It's so unfair!"

"You are fortunate." Another nurse says. "Some people don't have anyone waiting for them."

"You mean Dr. Shu?"

Like Sherlock Holmes, my ears perk up when I hear my name.

"Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?"

"Of course I do." A nurse shudders. "I've never seen Dr. Shu like that. Crying and yelling, like she was crazy."

They are talking about how I was last year. They are correct. I was out of control, like they said.

"You can't blame Dr. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes, I would probably go crazy as well."

"Keep it down. She hasn't left work yet. She might hear you."

The two nurses are too late. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall.

"Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?"

Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates.

"I'm waiting to go home." I pretend that I didn't hear anything.

"Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It's already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye.

"Happy Valentine's Day." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.

That's fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waiting for me, at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.

After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don't cry, I do. That's the only difference.

"Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you." I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.

An year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.

"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?"

He raised his eyebrow. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."

"Then... you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.

"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."

E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is.
"You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.

"I can't stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again.

"You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?"

"Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel."

"Your life is so boring." I made a face at him. "One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it."

"What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies.

"It's called 'Story of A Century'." I gladly answered.

"What kind of trashy plot did it have?"

"What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It's called 'Only Love', performed by Nana Mouskouri." I wonder if he knew who Nana was.

"Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums."

"Her voice is worth it." Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn't bring myself to admit it.

"Whatever." He glanced at his watch. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I'm leaving."

I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking.

"What's so touching about it?" He asked, after listening to the story.

"Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn't be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter."

"If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business." He quickly interjected.

"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.

As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online.

Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me.

"Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. But you're also not pretty when you smile." In other words, I'm really ugly.

"You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. "If you think I'm so ugly, why do you visit me??"

"Can't help it. My home is right next to your home." He argued.

"Then I'll move!" The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.

That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class.

"You're that infamous couple." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us.

"We're not!" I always tried to explain. "We're only neighbors." At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him.

"My standard is not that low." He would say. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes."

"Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head." I really disliked him. "Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.

I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.

"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.

Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love.

Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics. Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. After graduation, I became an intern. He started a small computer company with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to bigger apartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other. In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.

Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.

"Hello." He picked up the phone.

"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my displeasure.

"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy. "But I sent it."

He was really busy but I didn't care. "I didn't receive it. Send it again."

"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?

"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight.

I'll eat dinner by myself."

"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."

"I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.

Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??

I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.

Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.

"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."

As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.

"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.

"Car accident." The medic replied. "Very serious. He may die."

I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped

"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't lose our calm.

But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!

"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.

I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love. I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.

Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.

"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.

"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.

"Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."

Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card. "I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.

"Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.

And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.

Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.

They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.

When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.

Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore.

Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.

Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.

I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?

I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today.

We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.

I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?

With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy. Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.

"Hwei."

That's my name.

"Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose."

I received it and it's so beautiful.

"You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel."

Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant.

"I know I always make you mad by the things I say."

Good that you're admitting it.

"But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."

I waited so many years for those words.

"And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money."

You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?

"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore."

Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours.

"Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?"

That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again.

As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.

The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice.

Only love can make a memory.
Only love can make a moment last.
You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung.
and I remember you then when love was all,
all you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me...."

The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.

"Will you marry me?"

When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.

Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until today.

So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."

I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Love."

Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: "I will."

I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.

I answered you. What about you?

What's Hurts

2006-07-27T20:24:00.000+08:00

what hurts...

- letting go of a person you've just learned to love
- reminiscing the good times you shared together
- trying to hide what you really feel
- giving up someone you never thought of giving up
- having the right love at the wrong time
- letting go, because everytime you see the person, you only fall
deeper
- having to hear "... I've met someone"
- asking her freedom back bcoz 'she'd be happier with him'
- telling you lies where she'd been when actually, she was with
a 'new friend'
- PRETENDING you're OK when inside you're dying... - lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can
never have... Crying or Very sad
- pretending you don't love a person whom you actually love..
- letting go even if you really don't want to...having no right to say
you are huting because it was your decision
- having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely
destroying the wall that you have set for yourself, leaving you
weak and vulnerable
- the thought that this girl, used to really love you and you loved
her as well kaso you didn't give enough and she gave up on you
- Sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else....."

Time... how long it takes.

2006-07-27T20:20:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.

Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat." Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go with you." "Oh....Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way.

Love realizing how much he owed the elder and asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered. "Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?" Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because, only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

Enhancing Relationship

2006-07-27T19:58:00.000+08:00

TRUST

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation."

Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case.

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one."

The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please."

"Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"

The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bare in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison.

A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?“ Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey.

He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of the family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.

Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States.

A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or you wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes.
But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Will you still love me tomorrow

2006-07-27T19:55:00.000+08:00

what a touching story.. just happen to read it again at one of the forum.. so decide to keep it inside my blog wahahaha

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn’t help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I’ve got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I’m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn’t want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn’t tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn’t notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won’t divorce. I’m serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Story From Email

2006-07-21T10:43:00.000+08:00

~*~ from e-mail ~*~ Wink

A police officer had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the gals father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for a happy future. the gals father
started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them in a newspaper to come back. her father said that if u both come back i will marry u wit the guy u luv, I accept that u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating.

The couple went to the city to shop for the wedding. He was wearing a white traditional dress, and was crossing the road when a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died.

One night she was sleeping in her home with her family. Her mother had a dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood spots of the guy from her daughter's clothes as soon as possible.
But her mother ignored the dream.

Next night the father saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when
the girl had the same dream the next night,she woke up and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which
there were blood spots. She washed the spots but some remained. Next night
she again had the same dream she again washed the spots
but some still remained. Next night she again had the same dream
and this time that fairy gave her last warning to wash the blood spots, else
something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her
best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still
remained.

In the evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked the door, when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up..., and gave her an object, That awe- struck girl asked

"what is this..?

to which the fairy replied

"Try Dynamo Liquid Soap.. juz a dap & it will remove all stubborn stain"

I know what u all are feeling now... But don't look
for me...I'm also searching for the person who mailed this
to me...*hahaha*

~The Carrot, The Egg, The Coffee

2006-07-21T10:22:00.000+08:00

*The Carrot, the Egg and the Coffee*

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee... You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.

She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her
to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell,
she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to
sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity
... boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling
water, they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter.
"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot,
an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?
Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a break-up, a financial

hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my
shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an
egg or a coffee bean? May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they
just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest
future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in
life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.

FaT3 ~~~

2006-07-21T10:20:00.000+08:00

There was a scholar who was to marry his fiance, but on the day of
marriage, his fiance changed her mind and married someone else. The
scholar was devastated and fell ill. His family seeked all kinds of
medical treatment for him, but still he showed no sign of recovery.

They were about to give up hope on him when a wandering monk passed
by. After learning about the scholar's condition, the monk walked
to the scholar's bed and took out a mirror for the dying man to see.
In the mirror, the scholar saw a vast ocean, and the naked body of
a murdered woman lay on the beach. A man passed by, looked at the
body, shook his head and left. Another man who passed by saw the body,
took off his robes to cover the body and left. Finally came a man
passing by who saw the body, dug a hole and laid the body carefully to rest
before burying it.

The scene in the mirror suddenly changed. The scholar saw his
fiance in a nuptial chamber and another man was lifting her wedding
veil...

The scholar blinked at the monk, confused.

Slowly the monk explained, "The woman whose body you saw on the
beach as your fiance in her previous life. In your previous life, you
were the second man who gave her his robes to cover her body. To repay
your kindness in this lifetime, she loved you for a period of time and
became your fiance. However, ultimately the man whose favor she has
to return for the rest of her life is the third man who buried her.
And that man is now her husband."

Enlightened, the scholar sat up and recovered from his depression.
It is truly amazing -- this thing called "Fate". There was a movie in
which the theme song went like this: "You can say it is a big world,
you can say it is a small world. But for the promise of this lifetime,
we shall spend our entire lives to fulfil."

All of us are in this big grand masquerade, among the throng of
people, we seek expectantly... in that electrifying moment when
our fingers touch, the masks are removed to reveal our true selves.
Before this moment, we were drifting aimlessly, not knowing what we
really wanted. Till you meet this particular person, you finally
realize what you really want is not what you have wished for in the
first place. It amazes you that standing in front of this person is
a different you! You without any mask!

Fate is not something meant to be forced upon.
What is yours will eventually come to your arms;
what is not yours will never come to be.

In any case, we should not lose heart and give up on our hopes for
love that is true, good and beautiful. The value of life, in a
certain sense, is determined by the maturity of how we love. Of how we give
and accept love.

Treasure what you have...
Time is too slow for those who wait;
Too swift for those who fear;
Too long for those who grief;
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love...
Time is Eternity!

Salty Coffee

2006-07-21T10:18:00.000+08:00

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised.

They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.... Suddenly he asked the waiter, "Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby? He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there". While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.

That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really
nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.

They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!

Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It
was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to
lie to you for anything..

Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life,even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".

Her tears made the letter totally wet.Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee?

It's sweet. She replied.

POC for my first batch of recruits ^_^

2006-05-17T06:30:00.000+08:00

Today is their POC first hearsal.. though they were suppose to perform a short drama about their life b4 enlistment.. at first it was really funny.. but as you keep witnessing their play over and over again.. without fail u will ended up like me.. sleeping in front of them haha.. But it's really great to see their suffering over.. coz once they pass out from here, they will be at least be treated more humanly.

Just went up to check my ACCA studies expenses and related stuff recently, for no reason, I happen to feel very lost.. esp when I start to revise what I used to study in the past. Wow.. I really forgot alot of stuff about accounting.. now I am as good as newbie haiz.. Hopefully I could cope my NS and studies together so that my time could be fully utilized.

During my progression in ACCA, there's something that I muz improve on.. which is my command of english.. think I am too used in speaking chinese/singlish so much so that I really have diffculties in speaking good english.. However with constant pratice, my command of english will surely improve de =)

My Appraisal

2006-05-04T07:54:00.000+08:00

A Person who we must not take his kindness as his weakness. A respectable instructor. Fun-going person if we show our standard. Hope he is not fierce. Because we have seen his anger mode once. Very fierce too. Always having seen with 2 smile on his face. Also encourages us to buck up with our fitness. Advises us alot too. One of the best instructor we ever had. Always wants us to be quick and do things good.

First impression of instructor aven was that of an exellent one. He's one of the few instructor that bothers to listen to us right from the beginning since enlistment day. During the 1st 2 weeks of confinement period a lot of us were totally demoralized and physically tired out. Instructor aven was one of the few instructors that actually bother to talk to us and understand our situation. He also shows no air and is good in listening to the worries and fears of the then new recruits. He bothers to use his free time to spend time talking with us, advising us etc. I'm still very grateful to him. Whenever he was our duty instructor, all of us will already start cheering, such was his popularity among the recruits. However he still does his job well, he will ensure that all of us do things well, but judging by his popularity with us all of us will always try to give our all whenever he was our duty instructor. Perhaps the only thing he could improve on is to be stricter. In the overall, he's another instructor that gains our respect.

Instructor Aven will tell us don't take his kindness as his weakness when he will treat or give us a good time sometime he also will try to encourage us and praise us sometimes when we will try our best.

He is an instructor with a heart of gold and a mouth of sliver. He often gives us chances for mistakes, which we have made, but can be fierce when we attempt to climb over his head. He still instills that discipline in each of us, and expect us to achieve that standard he set. He shares with us his experiences in BMT, SISPEC, what we are going through here is not that bad actualy, don't give up halfway, always encouraging us. Even though he may not be the duty instructor of the day, he still joins us in some PT sessions when he is free. He shows concern over us, asking any problems adapting to life here, etc. He is one of my favourite instructor, he himself is learning too, as he just posted to BMTC, he also learns from us too, not afraid to admit his own mistakes, which made me respect him alot.

Don't know what to write about this new instructor. Sometime we take his kindness as his weakness. Because if he treat us too nice, some of us will try to climb over his head and slack all the way. So we will show him standard, den he will treat us good.

Hmmm these are all my appraisal given by the recruits.. Though there are many more.. which I am too lazy to type out lol.. However, seeing them being transform from civilian to being solider slowly day by day also made my day.. Really felt happy for them coz they will be passing out soon.. Suffering time will soon be history, hopefully their standard will be instill with them throughout their Navy services

........

2006-04-16T20:05:00.000+08:00

Ahhh have to book in soon le.. nowadays really nothing much to do at camp.. though I am an instructor, though my jobscope there is very simple, But somehow I just seems not to enjoy myself as much as b4 when I was still a trainie in Sispec/Bmt whereby I had alot of wonderful friends around me..

Time really flies.. it's almost 1 yr more towards the end of my NS liabilities. Thinking back, time spent in army was wonderful esp with all those lame joke/stuff we do in bunk. I also learn how to treasure my family member, friends and not to take things for granted.

Just now at east coast, saw many couple taking a stroll with their dogs.. Hmm how long did I last saw Micky.. Really miss him alot but yet I know there isn't anymore chances to see him again.. All I can do now.. is to think back all those wonderful time we had together.. how he keep waking me up lol.. how he bite my shoe and socks..

Everytime I used clubbing as a way to past time.. also b.coz by going clubbing, time really passes very fast and I wun have the extra time to recall my past relationship.. But I have decided to face the reality this time.. not point running away from my past.. always tried to surf forum under the auntie agnony topic hoping to find e best way to comfort myself by reading other ppl story.. Think only I can help myself to overcome it.. N it's only by facing it bravely rather than trying to avoid it.. However action speak louder than words.. writing it down is 100 time easier than doing it haha..

A Simple Story

2006-04-16T12:28:00.000+08:00

I will forever remember that fateful night, I was, as usual tuning in to the sports news. My wife, after her shower, came to me and said:” Why is there a mole growing on my leg?”I am a man who has no medical knowledge, I have always thought that a woman likes to kick up a big fuss over such trivial issues and choose to ignore her….Our marriage life is a cordial, peaceful one. Since the day I was promoted to a senior post in my company, she has been a full-time housewife. My work requires me to work over time every other day, to top that, I have to make business trips frequently, sometimes stretching as long as three weeks. While on such trips, others will be worrying about the old folks at home, who will take care of the children’s schoolwork and stuff like that. But for me, I can be rest assured that she will take care of my parents and she will be there taking care of the housework and children’s schoolwork. In fact, the number of people who admired my plight equals the number of people who admired her. In the eyes of the others, she need not slog from nine to five and putting up with unreasonable bosses. I have long bought a car and a three-room and two-living room house in the West. Although we do not know the meaning of romantic, our life had been a loving one.My wife was formerly a pharmacist and therefore had some medical knowledge. She knew that any mole growth that were neither painful nor itchy like hers can mean something more then it meets the eye. She went to the doctor herself, and was diagnosed with skin cancer….. The diagnosis left us all in a state of shock. In the following days, we went to all the big, reputable hospitals that we can find in Shanghai. But all the diagnosis were the same, in fact, one of the expert in the field even told us that the death rate for her condition is 90%, she is suffering from the most critical type of skin cancer…Before long, as predicted by the doctors, news moles began to grow on her legs, arms and back. And her body and vitality began to go downhill.As far as I can remember, I was still prone to occasional fever, cold, flu and minor aches. But as for my wife, she had hardly fallen ill before. But now, a body that had hardly idled has capitulated to the hospital bed.A home without her feels so empty, there is no life in the house. The toilet seat and the furniture are now covered with a layer of dust. A place that was once filled with warmth, a place that I once felt so comfortable after a hard day’s work now look like a foreign land. I felt like an alien in the house, I had a hard time trying to figure out how to use the microwave oven to defrost, the rice cooker to cook rice. As hard as I tried, the coffee or tea that I brewed, and even the bowl of instant noodle never tasted the same as those that she made. Things that she used to fetch for me without much fuss, I had trouble finding after ransacking the drawers…. Things that I had took for granted….Ever since she was hospitalized, I took leave from work to spend as much time I could with her. I have finally come to realize that without a home, without a loving wife at home, all the money, fame and status that a man can earn boils down to nothing.Just as her condition was turning for the worse, a friend told me that there is a hospital in Guangzhou that specializes in skin cancer. There was even a similar case that fully recovered after treatment there. However, the cost of treatment is extremely high, the course of treatment is three month long, costing more than 300 thousands and with a 30% chance of recovery. When I told my wife about the news, a body that had been tormented till out of sorts by the horrible illness told me clearly : “I want to live on….”. On hearing that, I started to weep. Frankly, I have never felt how loving we were in the past, but now, at that very moment, I felt that we were the most loving couple in the whole wide world, a pair that was made in heaven. How wonderful to be able to stay together, she wanted to live, and I wanted her…. We wanted to age together, to see our kid grow up, to see our son’s children call us Grandpa and Grandma. I made up my mind to go to Guangzhou with her. When I was in office to apply for leave, I could hear one of my colleague whispering to another: “If I were him, I will save the money. My GOD, its 300 over thousand. What if she doesn’t recover in the end? Wouldn’t that be a waste?” For those who said those words, they have never felt the grief and pain of someone dear withering, slipping slowly away from us. They will never understand the kind of hope that this possible lease of life can bring. I was thinking inside, even if it was 600 thousand, a million, or even if it means selling my car, my house and everything just to keep her alive, I will do it willingly.Before the trip to Guangzhou, I went to the supermarket to do some shopping on the daily necessities. It was the eve of the Mid-Autumn Festival, the supermarket was filled with a joyous crowd. I suddenly felt a wall between the crowd and myself. All the joy and laughter had no relation to me ever since the day of her diagnosis.I bought the items in the shopping list that was given to me by her. When I checked out at the cashier, I felt the weight of all the groceries. For all these years, all these grocery shopping had been done by her, alone. I had no idea how much a kilogram of rice costs, the price of a bottle of cooking oil. I never knew that it was so tiring to carry all these items from the supermarket to our home. I had always thought that I was the pillar of the house, only when she suddenly fell ill did I know that she was the backbone of the house.When in Guangzhou, we spent the closest moments together since our marriage. In the three months, we were always beside each other, we laughed together, cried together. I couldn’t remember when was the last time we had such heart-to-heart talk, we felt so close. In the first month of treatment, her condition seemed to improve. We could even take occasional walks in the garden, with me holding on to her arm. We were remising the day we first met at the entrance of the People’s Park, our first show at the Victory Theater was an Italian movie titled “The Last Emotion”. She even remembered that it starred Sophie Roland. She told me that when I dated her for the movie, she had, in fact, watched the movie with her classmate. But she couldn’t bring herself to reject my offer, and that is why she watched the movie a second time with me. The last time that we remise of this moment was during our honeymoon. Talking about it now, its really sad, after all these years of marriage, we have never talked so much. In that 3 months, I saw her thin and pallid, slowly withering… the special treatment failed to take effect on her. The day came when she can’t even finish a bowl of porridge. In the end, she told me :”I want to go home”. With that, we went back home, despaired.

When home, her condition turn from bad to worse. Moreover, the symptomic pains dreaded by all cancer patients crept in. She couldn’t sleep the whole night, turning and moaning in pain. Even morphine fails to ease the agony. How I wish that I could suffer the pain on her behalf. Its just too much pain to be borne alone.When she felt better, she would brief me of the household chores. Now did I realize the trivial details of household chores, the busy schedule she has all these while when she is at home. She even told me where to get my favorite rice hoof, which brand of undershirt I wear, and where to get them. Three days before her demise, she even taught me how to operate the washing machine. We bought this washing machine together, but all these years, she has been the only one operating it.(The author can’t help but wept uncontrollably typing this).Days before she left, she told me that she is glad that she married me and has never regretted doing so. The 3 months that we spent in Guangzhou was the happiest moments she had in her life. That 3 months is also my most treasured moments in my life. Even though because of this 3 months, I had lost my chance of promotion, lost a lot in material terms. But compared to the company that I shared with her, all these pales as worldly possessions. And luckily for the 3 months, else I would have lived in unrest conscience for the rest of my life. She died a peaceful death, on that day, I told my son that mummy had gone to another place to wait for us. In future, we will all meet again in that same place, and all will still be the same, she will still be his mummy, I will still be his daddy, and he will still be our beloved son.Now, I dread to see a happy family in trio. Every time I pass by the People’s Park, the place where Victory Theater was originally, the supermarket that we had been together, I just couldn’t help but weep. Whenever I use the washing machine, operate the microwave oven, changing the seasonal clothes for our son, coming home late from work, cooking instant noodles for myself, waking up in the middle of the night to find myself a lone on the big bed, I feel like crying. When she was around, I had never felt specially blessed, she was just the woman I married, the mother of my child. But now that she is gone, the world seemed to crumple.Before, when I watched shows about men who had lost their partners cried uncontrollably, I felt that it was to stir up feeling of the audience. But now, I cry with them. That day, I saw a blood donation drive going on the road, it reminded me of her again. There was once a departmental blood donation drive that needed my blood. On hearing that, she told me seriously : “Can I take your place? I need not work anyways, so I can rest at home?” But I laughed her off saying: “You crazy? I would be a laughing stock if others found out!” After my donation, she even cooked for me pork liver spinach soup and red bean lotus porridge. And I remember her telling our son :”Papa works hard to make money for the family, so papa is the most important person.” In fact, she is the most important person, without her, my son and I have lost the most important thing in the whole wide world-happiness.I bought a resting place for her in the hills. I was grief struck when I used the red paint to write “Beloved wife” on the tombstone. I am not a man who is good in expressing my feelings. Throughout our courtship, I did not even say the word “LOVE” to her. I used to laugh at her for reading the QiongYao novels, or crying over those love scene in the movies, but now, I could only transcript the word “LOVE” on her tombstone. My beloved wife, if she could relive again, I am willing to say “I love you” time and time again. These three words that all ladies in the world would love to hear repeatedly from their beloved man. Why? Why didn’t I say it enough to her when she needed me to say it? When she was healthy? I just want to tell all the healthy and happy living husbands, love and treasure your wife, spent more time with her, do not be blind to all that your wife has done for you. A lot of times, we only know how to treasure things after losing them.Your wife is the person who love you most in your life, the one that understand you most, the woman who will give up everything for you. Most of all, no other man-woman relationship can be compared to husband-wife relationship.Bottom line of the story is Always cherish and treasure your loved one where there are still around..... dont take them for granted ......

Ponder

2006-03-02T10:40:00.000+08:00

The Art of Letting Go
by Consrael

It's over. He's gone.

Why do we have to part while
the love is still there?
Why do we have to suffer?
Why do we have to cry when
somebody bids goodbye?
Why do beginnings have an end?
Why do we have to meet
only to lose in the end?

There are questions left unanswered,
words left unsaid, letters left unread,
poems left undone, songs left unsung,
love left unexpressed,
promises left unfulfilled.

In a relationship,
one of the hardest things to do
is saying goodbye and letting go.
It is as hard as breaking a crystal
because you'll never know when you
will be able to pick up the pieces again.
More often than not, they who go,
feel not the pain of parting:
it is they who stay behind that suffer,
because they are left
with memories of a love
that was meant to be,
a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end
of a relationship,
we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone.
Unfair as it may seem,
but that's the way love goes.
That's the drama, the bittersweet
and the risk of falling in love.
After all, nothing is constant but change.
Everything will eventually come to its end
without us knowing when,
without us knowing how,
without us even knowing why.
And we must forget not because we have to
but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrows come
not as a single spy but in batallion.
It seems that everywhere you go,
everything you do,
every song you hear,
every turn of your head,
every move of your body,
every beat of your heart,
every blink of your eye and every breath
you take always reminds you of him.
It's like a stab of a knife,
a torture in the night.
Funny how the whole world
becomes depopulated
when only one person is missing.
Just imagine,
there are billion people on earth
and yet it seems you feel lonely
and empty without the other.

I don't know if it's worth calling an art,
but letting go entails
special skills sparkled
with a considerable space and time.
Time heals all wounds but it takes
a little push on our part.
Acceptance plays a part.
Not all love stories end with
"...and they live happily ever after."

Sometimes we have to part because of
circumstances beyond our control.
We have to suffer if it would
mean happiness for others.
We have to cry to
temporarily let go of the pains.
Every beginning has its end
like every dawn has its dusk.
It's something we can't control,
something we had to live up.

It's over.
He's gone. But life has to go on.
Goodbye doesn't always mean forever.
There will always be a place and time
where questions will be answered,
words will be spoken,
letters will be read,
poems will be recited in the night,
songs will be sung in harmony,
love will be expressed in solitude and
promises will be fulfilled.
Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

28 Feb 2006

2006-02-28T06:25:00.000+08:00

Wow.. just wake up from a very bad nightmare lol.. E dream I had brought me back to the time when I and bin bing was still together.. whereby it remind me stuff like how she cheated on me.. and how I always had to keep checking up on her and end up always discover sumthing unfavourable to our relationship.. luckly all these came to an end when both of us decided to become stranger again lol.. ahhahaha now den I realize how lucky it was to be being single coz reason being I do not have to keep worrying abt stuff like that kekeke.. Since relationship has got this veto factor of mutual trust.. Once it's broken.. haha nightmare will follow.. Enough abt all these bad memories.. Yesterday just report to my new unit.. At first e ppl there tried to act as if their unit are very discipline blah blah blah.. end up its actually a prank just to make fun of us Zzzzzz... Dunno I should be happy or not.. coz my new unit is kidda slack.. sumthing which I dun enjoy doing anymore lol.. I like challenges that could extend my limit.. but den again.. since it is a 8 to 5 job.. might as well go continue my studies bah (",)

Still recalling the good old days in Sispec Charlie.. when we have to do stand by area, clean the toilet and touch up the bunk.. not forgeting doing all those lame and funny stuff that could laugh my tooth off lol.. How Sir Cat manage to inspire me to become a good commander.. and Lastly how honourable I was at the end of the course to be awarded the CSB badge where only 16 of us got it eventually.. and emerging top 10 in my course to be awarded the silver boyanet.. how nervous was me when I am actually the first to go upstage to collect the prize lol... No matter how slack the unit was to be.. I will always mantain the standard warrent felix instill in me, always remember 2 wrong dun make 1 right.. be responsible for ur own action.. We Pride we Lead SISPEC!!!

Xue Fen Bdae

2006-02-04T01:53:00.000+08:00

Today is a special coz it's Xue Fen Bdae lo.. luckily I was able to book out so that I could celebrate it for her at least kekeke

Dunno why I still feel quite uncomfortable when I am chatting with her lol.. perhaps due to the long time frame that we didn't meet up or it's b.coz I am botak ahahaha..

ahh so I went out 3 hours early hopefully I could get a present for her.. initially though of getting neckless or perfume.. but they are kidda common stuff to receive for a present.. finally I decided on coin pouch lo.. coz I think for lady.. they like to have alot of those coin pouch la.. hp pouch la.. in their bags.. lol and more importantly.. it's sumthing that she would be able to use it everyday.. rather than getting her stuff like soft toy which isn't that necessary stuff...

Once I touches PS, quickly took a short window shopping around for any suitable item and at e same time hopefully I can come across any good idea for an present.. end up, I decide on to walk all my way to taka.. on e way there, I gave her a call.. surprisely she was heading to PS from Taka.. while I am heading to Taka from PS... end up I meet up with her halfway.. but since I haven't gotta e present.. no choice have to meet up with her later...

ahh today was quite rush for me.. meet up with edwin at orchard.. den went to amk for e bdae cake.. last but not least I reach her block at e agreed time.. luckily leonard reach b4 she arrived.. so got one more ppl to sing e bdae song kakaka.. and my day ended after our dinner at chomp chomp and about an hour of chatting with her downstair her block..

Hmmm time really fly man.. to think we know each other at primary sku.. it's been almost 10 yrs.. we are both getting older as days goes by... and hopefully she could have gotta e scholoarship required for her to futher her studies.. 32 to get her own lab.. Well.. can be done de =) at least she got her plans.. and as a friend, I wish her all e best.. during our conversion, I found out we got some common interest like reading manga lol.. dogs.. blah blah blah... sigh.. Micky ar Micky.. really kidda miss u wor.. hope u have an wonderful time staying with jie jie ah..

argh.. though I feel very tired now.. but still have to meet with kl and donald at 330am to eat supper... sigh..tml going taiwan for trainning le..
though I feel kidda sick when I think of the training at taiwan.. but at e same time when I realize that there are actually so much ppl around me still showing their concern and care towards me.. I am very happy.. last time when I gotta some happy stuff to share.. there isn't anyone whereby I could tell.. but at least I know there are some who exsist now (",)

23 Dec

2006-01-02T18:58:00.000+08:00

Wah friday finally arrived.. tml is my booking out day as well as christmas eve kekeke.. Today we had our session quick attack live firing at lim chu kang estate.. thinking of christmas remind me of my few day of romance with rachel 2 yr ago.. when we actually broke up e day b4 christmas arrive.. still can remember e song "last christmas" which played at zouk was quite a memorable one for me lol.. but den again, heaven wasn't unfair to me.. during last yr christmas, i was given a chance to spend it with someone I used to treasure e most.. I still can recall when we patch back on the 1st of Aug 2004, I was at that point of time extremely happy.. Suddenly, colour was brought to my life.. sad to say.. good things doesn't last long enough.. We eventually broke up, become stranger once again.. dun wish to think of e reason why we broke up.. past is sumthing I should forgo now.. eventually e day will come when I will forgive her.. but not forget what happen.. my first relationship with her lasted about near 2 yrs.. when blah blah blah blah happen.. we broke up.. was really sad and disappointed with her at that time.. and 2 yr later, we met up on exam centre which i still remember.. at nee ann sec sch.. coincidently.. just happen my air con spoil a few days later i saw her.. and while looking for my warently card.. just happen to saw those letter which she wrote to me in e past.. e feeling is coming back.. so I decide to msg her a good night msg.. eventually we keep it touch, went out for movie.. chatting session.. b4 we patch back.. ahh still can recall my first question to her when we patch back.. why she blah blah blah me 2 yrs ago.. she reply to me quite sincerly.. saying that she was playful and young at that time.. haiz.. I told her how hurt i was and how long it really took me back to my normal state.. finally i make her promise me one thing.. if one day in e future, if she happen to find out that she doens't love me anymore.. please tell me.. dun do the same thing to me like in e past... she reply me "I wun do it anymore".. haiz.. but history still repeat itself.. recalling back all these.. really make my tear flowing uncontrollably.. Am i sad, disappointed, love or still angry with her? Even till today.. I can't gib myself this answer.. but I am already grateful that fate has brought us back again.. though it didn't really last long.. of course I didn't forget about Micky.. he's so cute.. haiz really miss him alot alot..

Tml got SOC test again... just hope I can pass bah lol.. sumtime e worse thing you could have is not loving her sliently.. but dunno whether you are loving or hating her.. the width line between love and hate is just so fine...

21 Dec

2005-12-21T16:36:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. today is a bad day to began with.. Being award an extra duty for taking my watches along to strength training lol.. haiz.. think army is lidat de.. stupid ppl setting stupid standard.. end up their follower will eventually suffer.. After RO, went to cook maggie.. suddenly 933 is playing the song "last christmas".. ahh it remind me of my short relationship with rachel.. though she is kidda sweet girl and a nice gf to go along with.. but I knew we wun be an item coz I am sumone who cannot stand gf going clubbing so frequently.. anyway think i wun be hurting her that much.. coz we end e relationship very fast.. hmmm hope she didn't get the wrong idea when she saw me dancing with stella and shenice.. haiz.. they are kenny friend lo.. so zhun.. kenny went to toilet.. i just accompany them awhile.. den she happen to witness it lol.. ahh still can remember how ugly is it when she is staring so angrily at stella.. lol.. budden i didn't explain anything to her coz initially we broke up le.. and I just wan her to really gib up hope on me haha.. even untill today she is still so angry with me.. think e last time i saw her was at zouk.. she just simply stare at me and walk away haiz... but at least I know if we still hold on longer.. ahh dunno how to say.. e reason behind is b.coz there still someone in my heart.. plus she's quite a nice girl which i dun wan to hurt =)

hmmm tonight both alecia and si mei both send me e same gd nite msg lol.. plus another very meaningful msg from cindy.. it say sumthing like
" e star u can't reach, is the brightest
e fish u lost, is e cutest
e movie u miss, is e best show
e lover u lost, is someone u love most
"

hmmm some of it is quite true lol.. argh.. gotta go slp le tml still got SOC test...

20 Dec 2005

2005-12-20T16:53:00.000+08:00

Today is our second day of watermanship exercise.. the water isn't as dirty as described by our PC.. it is consider an easy day since there isn't much activities going on.. back to company line, I am actually quite delighted coz we have been given night snack lol.. perhaps that one of the reason why I am gaining weight in army lol.. and my 7 hours of sleep kekeke. Had to wash alot of stuff b4 I could finally get to rest.. but prior to that.. my buddy Ricky was here chatting with me even when my eye is closing lol.. anyway I knew that in life, there are I wanna accomplish yet so little time given.. On top of that, I still enjoy slacking at home esp during book out.. But soon enough, I will surely come out with my future plans coz I know that time isn't going to wait for me wahaha .. Hopefully I could keep myself busy planning to replace my clubbing activities tat is suppose to keep myself occupied to ease my pain thinking of my last relationship..(",)

19 Dec 2005

2005-12-20T15:42:00.000+08:00

Tonight is an usual night.. For I suddenly realize that e sky are filled with stars that are simply breathtaking.. It's something I would never notice b4.. Seeing that makes me remember grannie which she used to be my "stars" in e past.. Though some memories of hers are slowly fading.. she will never be forgotten.... At e same time, star also reminded me of bin bing.. how we eventually patch back after being thru so much, all e wonderful time we had together, how I celebrated her bdae with her, playing with Micky and so much more.. However all these past are double edged sword.. they can bring me smile.. as well as tears.. How I wish I could overcome it.. neverlessly... it keep haunting me everynight.. perhaps that one of the reason why I hate staying at home esp at night everytime when I book out.. Haiz.... what a cold & lonely night it is..

Mood Cake Festival......

2005-09-19T01:37:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. after writing this post.. I would have to rest and get ready for my sispec booking in.. heard from mee fen that it will surely be tough as compare to the welfare bmt ...

After so many years, I still cannot change the habit of 'planning at the last minute' lol. Eventually I conclude my final plan for the outing with Xue.. Check via the Internet for movie schedule and found out that all the popular cinema has been fully taken.. After much(5 mins lidat) consideration, Tiong Bahru Plaza cinema was being choosen since it the nearest to club MoMo.. plus we are meeting kidda early for clubbing lol.. Initially, I intend to meet her for dinner, follow on by tcss at coffee club express.. budden I scare later no topic lol.. coz it's been real real long since I last met her..

Come to think of it.. Xue was e only friend(primary sku) that I still manage contact with.. Haiz.. the rest hor.. ask them come out also very diffcult lidat.. but she really a nice gal in my mind.. with a clear mindset of what she wants to achieve in e future.. blah blah blah.. just hope she found her 'partner' soon bah (",)

After the movie.. we head down to MoMo.. luckly no queue..lol if not very paiseh lo.. ask her go out still have to let her queue.. Though I find it funny at first.. since I dun bring lady friend to club.. except those regular clubber who has rich experience of the 101 ways of protecting yourself =)
Heng Heng I found out that Xue is quite uncomfortable without a seat as she never dance lo.. Or perhaps she is paiseh to dance lol.. budden I got a feeling that she knew how to dance(abit also count ma) leh lol..

Inside the club.. I manage to secure a seat for her.. though she had a place for her to rest.. another problem quickly arrise.. Which is those uncle.. think they abit drunk.. dance like dunno what lidat.. of course I dun care how they dance.. but they are slowly moving near her lo.. haiz.. this is something I really dun like when going clubbing.. these ppl really spoil the image of guys lo.. making us look like despo lidat.. End up I had to stand near Xue.. making sure those uncle couldn't even touch her lo.. But at least they are still quite gentlemen.. at least one of them still apologize when he knock onto me.. But that's sumthing quite normal for me.. For.. I always visit the dance floor lol...

One thing that shock me is that Xue is actually quite a good drinker sia.. and she kidda prefer teckela(dunno how to spell lol).. that something I scare most lo.. after I vomit dunno how many times with shao ping at dbl o during his bdae celebration..Budden I didn't really drink much.. as I have to make sure she could reach home safety since I m the one asking her out.. I feel that I had the responability of her safety.. But But... Only ex classmate gathering ah.. no other string attached.. really cannot stand jasper and phobie lo.. keep on suspecting me lo.. is it abnormal to bring lady friends to clubbing? or is it a must that u can only bring someone u like to clubbing.. aiyo keep on telling them dun think too much liao.. End up.. today at msn .. still tio suan lidat...... Zzzzzzzzzzz

Oh ya.. not to forget.. while talking to one of my waitress friend whom is working there.. didn't really knew she was 2 year younger.. untill she told me yesterday.. coz she look like kim leng elder sister lolz... Whenever ppl ask for my age.. I always had this habit of letting them guess.. since it's very normal that I am graded 2 years younger.. and yesterday was no different either.. she guess 19 at first.. and that's sumthing that make me laughing lol.. I reply with.. do u think 19 can come inside here lol.. den she finally got it rite on the second try.. not bad ah.. seldom ppl can guess it rite on 2 second try de.. But I really look that boylish meh? die le die le.. lol

Argh.. guess I have to stop here le.. though I still got alot alot alot alot alot of things to write.. buddennnnnn tml is my book in day.. pui.. amry life sux Y_Y... good night den (,")

Facts

2005-09-10T19:19:00.000+08:00

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.

Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system.

A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.Most lipstick contains fish scales.Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.

A mathematical wonder: 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 gives the result 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

"Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".

We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.

Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.

There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Alrite pple... ain't the above information interesting ?

POP in 2 days time..

2005-09-04T17:12:00.000+08:00

Last week of bmt is quite terrible.. training schedule so tight.. we walk 40km this week.. taking SOC and IPPT test.. preparing our parade for the pop.. having to stand still there for 45 mins under the hot sun like an idoit while waiting for PM Lee to finish giving out those awards.. and his 15 mins speech...

hmm so glad that we could keep some hair.. instead of totally botak head wahaha.. however the sad stuff are leaving our company.. leaving our friends, buddy.. those who have been suffering and enjoying life with you for the past 2 month.. still remember how it is like when we are all enlisted on the first day when we are all stranger... now we are converted to a bunch of buddies but the time is up for us to move on...

During the stupid 45 mins.. what flashes through my mind was my memories of my late grandmother, late 4th uncle, Yue Lin, Bin Bin and Micky... still remember one very very sad moment in my life.. that was during my grandmother bdae.. though I was working at 1.99 shop at that time.. i purposely took a half day off despite the low manpower.. brough her a birdnest and carefully choosen one special box to contain her present.. but but.. when I wanted to pass her the present, she did not open her eye.. reason.. coz she was very very ill at that point of time.. still remember I was so sad.. that in front of so many ppl.. my tears actually keep flowing down.. and thinking of my 4th uncle whom pass away this yr... and in my bg relationship... some of the 'special' moment with yl when we had an agrue in the past when even her friends were beening involed.. the comment some of them pass on.. though those memories are not as painful anymore... still can remember in one of the last meeting up with her.. as usual I will buy her the breakfast.. though she did not eat it that time.. I was only given like 30 mins to sort out the misunderstanding between us.. as she was again meeting her friends.. hmmm the most sad part was when one of her friend has reach her place le.. while she was like trying to rush over to meet up with her and yet haven't finish our conversion.. and at that point of time.. I really really want to give her a simple hug.. a hug... and I could still recall how she push me away from her.. Yes I can understand during that point she was hurt.. but so was I.. and I really wants to save this relationship.. but in the end we broke off... and no reason was given.. If only I have more time to explain to her without her friend interfering.. as I know one of them is trying to sian her as well... Guess that was the worse rejection from someone I love till now..

Next I recall will be Bin Bin.. How she 2 time me over and over again throughout our 2 yrs relationship.. and how I barely manage to really get over it after 1 yr of our breakup.. sometime I ask myself.. which one do I really love more.. yl or bb.. though even me myself cannot come out with a concret answer for this simple question.. still remember how I met her at the exam center at tampines around 2 yrs later.. Yes.. I did not bother to look at her.. as usual I just walk away as if she was a stranger..

Soon after.. we meet up for movies and chatting on phone.. though I also cannot believe why I could stand her... of course... after 2 yrs, the feeling of her 2 timming me wasn't strong as before... still remembering b4 we patch.. I ask her why she 2 time me in the past.. her answer was short and simple.. "I was young then".. okie.. Sometime the power of love was so powerful that could make me really forgive her at that point of time.. At the first hour of patching up.. I told her "One day.. if you dun love me anymore.. please let me know.. and I will leave you.. dun be like what u did to me in the past ok?" Ok was what she promise me.. But but.. 8 month later.. when I discover her internet aiai accidently.. she did not give me an answer.. just keep on crying.. though in my mind I know this relationship is pointless.. really pointless to maintain anymore.. b4 I open her door.. she was standing there.. holding my hands.. asking me not to go.. gib her the chance to explain.. in the end I try to put these issue aside.. soon...... she lied to me again.. this time with an NUS student.. going to her house... she tell me she was only helping his dog to bath.. haiz.. sometime I really think I dun understand woman well... when they are good to you.. they are really good.. when they are going to betray you.. all sort of funny funny excuses will start poping out over and over again...

Is 2 timing really that great? really that proud whereby you can show off to your friends? or is it consider an achievement in ur life lol.. But at least during this breakup.. I reliease I have change.. I am not sad anymore.. actually I am quite pleased.. at least b4 my ns.. I could finish settle my problem in relationship with that lady.. I did not hate her that much as compare to the past.. Once bitten twice shy.. think I dunno got bitten how many time already.. yet still willing to be bitten again ... just like what jia hui told us before.. If I tell u there is an wall in front of you.. but yet you still choose to knock your head against it.. so it's just another wrong decision I had made 9 month ago.. the idea of patching up with her.. lol.. how stupid was I during that point of time to actually believe that she will change for me...

Last but not least... Micky was the one that keep on flashing across my mind.. Yes.. I really miss him alot alot.. how I wish I could carry him rite now.. bringing him for a walk in the morning around my void deck.. having him following me around the house.. playing with him.. feeding him.. clearing his waste lolz.. and how he keep on barking when I was playing game in the room without him lolz... That something hard to believe when I tell my friend that.. coz as they know.. I am afraid of dogs.. But Micky is not just any dog.. He will always always be my precious... Precious bao bei... kor kor wish that your current owner will really take good care of you.. may you grow up happily.. Y_Y

Life in Ns

2005-08-28T13:39:00.000+08:00

Finally got the time to do some blogging.. it's been quite tired esp after the 10 days field camp.. going to pop on the 6th of sep though I feel happy coz we are converting from recuit to private haha.. at the same time.. it's kidda sad coz the bunch of good friends in the session are also breaking up. Perhaps that's life.. nothing stay forever (",)

During field camp, esp during night time.. I always recall the memories of Micky following me whenever I go at the house haha.. he's just so cute expect for his toilet trained stuff.. haha... However during this booking out, something sad happen to one of my neighbourhood.. one of the auntie downstair pass away.. she's someone I had been greeting since young, always asking me tons and tons of question... and so fast she's gone now.. perhaps it isn't a bad thing as she will move on ahead to places without worries and trouble.. actually it's kind of sad for me to see another one gone.. just like my ah ma and 4th uncle.. though they are physically seperated from me.. but they will always remain in my heart deeply..

Just went to club momo yesterday night.. since haris called me saying it's his bdae.. so bo bian.. actually dun really feel like clubbing.. haha if tell others they cfm dun believe de.. coz almost every book out I will appear there lol.. saw one of my ex classmate.. help him sign one of his girl friend inside.. same as usual, saw alot of friends inside.. talk cock.. drink and dance... and it's time back home..

Dunno since when.. I just felt that life is so routine for me.. book out go clubbing.. book in go training lolz haiz.. think I end here dun feel like thinking le.. everything is just so so so standard for me..

My first book out day...

2005-07-23T10:36:00.000+08:00

Wow.. it's my first book out day today.. it's a day whereby everyone in the company is looking forward too... though I dun really enjoy the so called 7 hours of sleep inside.. where we actually sleep about 6 hours b4 waking up for the stupid morning exercise.. lol..

I actually reliease something that the amry is actually changing my personnality... in the past when I went for camping.. the first time I do when I reach home was to throw my bag with all the dirty clothing one side and proceed to my room.. perhaps it has slowly becoming an habit to finish the landry first... I actually washed all my clothing first and arrange my stuff b4 going out to meet my classmate lol..

Sometime in the night b4 falling myself into dream land, I often reflect what I did in the past.. be it the good and the bad ones.. the multiple fall I experience in relationship, my attitude towards friends and family..

Enough about all those emotion stuff.. today when I first login to my friendster.. I am so delight that my ex gf yue lin actually had send me an friend request... of course without any doubt I accept the request.. finally we are back to friend again but perhaps that was only valid in the cyberspace arena.. after reading her profile.. I felt happy for her... for she had someone by her side.. though she was once my gf.. but we choose to let go.. however letting go doesn't mean I dun care.. it's just that we choose to stay away from the blame game.. b4 hurting each other more..

Argh.. later still needa go shop for my amry stuff.. meeting xue later in the afternoon and jasper late at night.. might be quite an busy day for me.. and not to forget booking in on sunday night haha.. last but not least... Micky I miss u...

A new Life?

2005-07-08T01:40:00.000+08:00

Today is my last day having my freedom, well at least for 1 yr 10 month after.. though it's quite bored coz I just felt that something is missing from my life..... However e issue that keeps me worrying is about my mother, my family.. just hope that they could take care of themselves..

Feel quite touch when so many ppl actually msg me regarding my enlistment... at least u guys make me know that I am actually not alone..

Many thanks to ahzai whom accompany me to watch movie.. and shopping haha.. and of course jasper for all the wonderful guideline.. kekeke

Last but not least..... I m still quite excited about going in .. and thanks to everyone who make my life more meaningful (",)

4 days countdown to amry.....

2005-07-04T01:22:00.000+08:00

Wow.. time really flies man.. it's another 4 days b4 my enlistment to serve the country haha.. though I do hate to leave my family.. but as an singaporean, well, it's just a sooner or later issue haha.. so might as well be enlisted earlier so that I could start my career planning earlier....

It's hard to convey my feeling into words.. for I am so confuse now.. but I sure dun regret my decision in requesting for earlier enlistment.. just that I feel that I need to get serious in e future.. for everything I do..

Though I know I miss my family.. there another 'one' I miss.. that is Micky.... though I really hope to see him one last time b4 enlisting.. but I know it's way impossible... for I can't be only seeing him and I hate to face that girl whom cheated me so many times.. But Micky.. u will always be in kor kor heart de.. no matter where u r.. u will never be forgotton.. at least u are still viewable as my wallpaper kekeke.....

sigh.. so tired.. tml still have to work.. as request from the vice president.. asking me to work till last day can anot.. haha.. siao.. but this weekend is quite meaningful for me bah.. friday night, dbs stuff treat me for dinner plus ktv.. den sat night went to meet internet friends.. though all are guys but we do enjoy toking cock haha.. follow by meeting jasper and phobie with her husband.. so touch.. her husband come down for my sake.. and sunday rot at home lolz.....

Perhaps my only regret was being unable to catch up with xue.. b4 my enlistment...... Zzzzz nite

The Same Old Way... It Cuts Me Deep..

2005-07-02T14:50:00.000+08:00

Just finish watching the taiwan show TV 3 jian ke.. this epo was talking about 4 good friends, 2 couple each, having the gal betraying her bf for the bf buddy... well, I simply love the show coz it really educate me about all possible things that could have happen... and this epo was really sad.. I even shear tears when the truth is out. To cut it short, when the poor guy firstly discover of their affairs(gf and buddy), though he was sad, but he chooses to gib up the relationship.... However this gf of his.. keep msging him saying "please dun leave me, I miss u" and other more which they didn't bother mentioning.. and the 2 host was of course abit touch as well and even encourage him to perhaps patch up with her since she had learned a lesson of her own.. even during the last min b4 the guy were to go up her house for a talk, she msg him "I still love u" .... wow I was thinking at that point of time.. perhaps he should really gib her a chance as well.. but but but... half an hour later, guess what?..... she appeared with the buddy and heading to the car from the girl house.. meaning they actually had 'something' upstairs already b4 coming down... yet she could still msg the poor chap.. "I still love u"... and b4 they even reach the car, they were like kissing each other.. holding hands.... the ending was of course the buddy being beaten up and the girl crying alone in e middle of the road.. sigh so sad.. even at the last min, she still lying.. saying she only bringing that buddy to find her buddy gf to explain... I guess she still dunno they already saw the sence of them kissing.. even one of the host also stand it.. keep on repreminding the girl.. "how could you treat your bf like that, you are a big liar, blah blah blah"

I really felt very upset for the guy.. really... for I once experience something he did.. just that she didn't went for my buddy.. just someone she just knew.. really hope he could get over with it.... for I took almost 2 years to get back myself... Even though 11 months ago.. I, decided to forgive her.. coz she told me that she was still young by then.. dunno how to think..... and once again.. put my trust onto her..... and I got back the same old ending, just like the poor chap... she could msg me things like "please gib me a chance, I wouldn't lie to u again" today.. but lie to me tml with a guy at her house... doing hanky panky stuff with her so called good friend.... but all this time round, I don't really feel that depress after all, perhaps due to my last experience.. but I do have some worries.. which is Micky after all.. hopefully she will treat Micky like a family member... hopefully...

*yawn* it's rather bored to talk about the past.. but you can always learn some valuable lesson from it.... kekeke think should really enjoy life at it is..kaoz.. 6 days left to enlistment le Zzzz.. oh oh.. not to forget.. I really hope to be able to see xue fen once.. b4 I enlist.. for she's someone very special to me.. without her.. guess I woudln't even get hold of my dip

How I spend my weekend...

2005-06-20T01:37:00.000+08:00

Lucky for me, weekend is finally over kekeke.. kidda find it funny how others desire this precious moment so that they could spend their time with loved one.. perhaps..

For me weekend is sumthing I detest... reason is being there basically nothing for me to do... of course other than clubbing.. though many friends are surprise that I actually went back toward those hardcore clubbing days.. lol... what is really becoming of me? I'm just confuse about the things happening to me.. in the past and recently...... However the heart ache is not as hurtful as compare to the past experience.. is it b.coz I really gone mature or I had learned to let go .... though the job currently really didn't suit me, but at least it's another way for me to slowly digest whatever unhappiness that is previling from advancing.

Another hobby I actually picked up was reading up forums.. and sumtime it's really help me to past time.. e worst thing is that I felt that even me myself cannot understand what I truely desire deep inside me.. Only knew that I really miss Micky, my dog...... even when I was real busy with work, he will suddenly appear in my mind...... the time we spent together.. and how he lick my tears when I was real down in my life.. anyway it's been almost a month since I last saw him... if only I had completed NS earlier... come to think of it.. it's really consider a waste of time.. trainning us to fight when those scientist could invent bomb as small as an 20cent coin that posses destructive power that could blow up an mrt station.... lol

No matter how sad or unhappy I am, life still have to move on..... no point pondering about all the sad experience I encounter for they are just someone who had brushed across my life.. some really disappoint me or perhaps I disappoint them.. at least I had learned something... like the saying goes.. it's ok to make mistake but not repeat them.... all the memories they have given me, be it e happy or the sad ones... it's finally over..... and for the lady whom enjoy cheating on me, are no friends of mine

Another day has gone by

2005-05-09T00:44:00.000+08:00

Time seem to fly pass me today.. woke up at 2pm after bin bing called me.. drink quite alot at wei guang bdae yesterday since we got 3 bottle yet only 5 drinker lolz.. however we only manage to finish up 2 bottle...

Really glad to see some of my old friends though I had only know them though another friend of mine.. but we seem to get really well along or perhaps it's my habit of connecting ppl around haha =p

haiz.... wanted to play soccer this morning with my kaki but unfortunely it was rainning cats and dogs this damn morning.. now den I release fate really plays apart in every single thing we do.. no matter how well we org, this bloody rain seem to spoil everything lolz but at least I can get to continue my sleep to 3pm haha

Today Micky went back to bin bing care since I had to find myself a job to survice in this vaccum country.. thinking back to the old days when we dun even need any money and could enjoy ourselves to the fullest with friends around, playing catching.. soccer.. catching fishes in the lokang haha still remember one time when I celebrate a very special mood cake festival with yue lin by bring her to one of our so called secret places in the big lokang near wan ne house. Although I dun have to trouble about money during that time, yet we still can save and enjoy at the same time lolz.. unlike nowadays whereby u meet ur gf, even a simple meal follow by a movie will easily cost u $40 Haiz.. even bus fair rise so rapidly..

Looking back

2005-05-07T02:30:00.000+08:00

Had been busy recently either going to hospital since my uncle got cancer and condition is very serious, even the nurse told us to be mentally prepare.. sigh really dunno whether should I still tell jia pei that I will be going to her wedding anot... to make things worse, micky sprain his left leg.. my heart really hurts when I saw him limping.

Recently I know my temper has been growing from bad to worse.. perhaps it's the side effect of all e trouble that is residing in me.. even though life has still been quite nice towards me.. at least I am still healthy... everytime when the NKF show, I often ponder how lucky I was to be an normal person though I do have some color bindness but it's way better as compare to some of the patient.

Actually had alot of stuffs to write de.. but just kidda forgotton them when I start typing... oh ya b4 I forget.. so Happy that I could pass my napfa and was entitled to a silver award that will first of all delay my Ns enlistment date for 1 month(hopefully can meet xue one last time b4 enlistment) den ORD one month earlier muhahaha though I never train b4 hand lolz think it must be the mentally I had b4 going for the test kekeke

To my surprise, kl, zai, and duck actually agreed on my proposal of setting up a biz and we are actually starting to save for it.. anyway we just agree on it verbally.. still haven't start forking out the agreed amount.. but at least they do trust me on my foresight =)

Sometime I find that even a simplest thing on earth might become the toughest thing for a human beings..... like being truthfully towards ur partner, honest and respect.. esp with the evolve of internet that provide the temptation to each and everyone of us including me myself and I... I do have a new habit of reading online forum.. sharing other people experience which include alot of rubbish stuff haha..

Sigh time really fly.. just saw the chinese tv show about learning chinese.. to my surprise, they were actually flimming at my primary school parry.. it really brings back alot of memories.. both bad and good.. thinking of my old classmate, the same of basketball court, book shop and canteen.. simply miss them so much.. however I know it's immpossible to org an outing for we got no topic to dicuse with lolz and some I had lost contact with..

Dunno when I have began understanding that actually the personality of ur potiental partner is e most important aspect u should consider as compare to looks.. even though I everytime like to see chio bu lolz but deep inside I know what I really wants, what is really meant for me.. is it b.coz I had seen or experience too much unpredictable events that makes me so certain? at the same time, I m actually quite worry about my future.. what kind of job will I be heading for? can I provide my family a cosy home and alot alot alot..

ahhhhhh very tired le.. micky very naughty keep on barking barking barking.. coz he wants to sleep with me inside the air con room haha.. seeing him leg sprain den I allow him to sleep beside me.. if not I will... lolz

Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay..

2005-04-12T16:57:00.000+08:00

Look out!" Joan turned but it was too late. The water bomb had splashed right into her face. She winced. That was cold, she thought. She reached out to wipe the water from her face. She and her friends were at Cindy's birthday party. The games had been fun, but tiring as well. She was glad when it was time to head for the refresments. "Hey Joan!" Cindy called out. Joan turned and saw Cindy dragging a 16 year old teenager behind her. "Let me introduce my brother to you.He's Jason." she said. Joan turned to look at the stranger for the first time. She gasped. Wasn't this the guy who had teased her everyday when he met her? She was stunned. "You..," was all she could manage to say. But Jason grinned at her," So this is your friend. I think we met before, haven't we, Joan?" Joan just stared at Cindy and her brother, nodding her head slowly. "Oh, if that's the case, i shall leave you two to talk among yourselves," Cindy replied, walking away to entertain the rest of the guests. "So..hi.," Jason said and smiled, showing his perfect set of white teeth. "Oh, hello," Joan replied.She took her time to look at Jason. He had a set of deep blue coloured eyes, which reminded her of the ocean. He was tall and had blonde hair. Everything about him matched completely. He seemed..perfect. Too perfect. She would have believed in love at first sight if she didn't have a boyfriend. Too bad she did. And she wasn't going to show Jason that she was interested in him in any way. "Got to go," Joan turned and left the party. *****

The sunlight shone into her room. Joan woke up. School was starting again, and the summer holidays were over. No more daydreaming, she thought. Walking into the hall, she picked up the phone and dialed her boyfriend, Andy's number. "Hello?" "Hey, Andy?" Joan said. "Um..Joan? What's up?" "Can you pick me up in fifteen minutes time?" "Huh?" "I thought u said that you wanted to go to school with me today..?" "Oh. Yeah. I sort of um, forgot. Something cropped up. Sorry honey." Without another word, Andy hung up. Well, that was weird, Joan thought. But she ignored that feeling as she believed Andy when he said that something had cropped up. She went to bathe, then she went to school by herself. On reaching the school gate, she spotted a car that seemed familar to her. The car went into the school and parked itself in an empty spot. Andy got out of the car. Joan smiled and was about to call him when he went over to the passenger's seat and opened the door. A girl dressed in a sweater and a mini skirt stepped out. Joan gasped as the scene continued in front of her. Andy took the girl by her hand and they kissed each other. Joan could not believe what was going on. Is this a dream, or is this for real? She thought as she pinched herself. Ouch, that hurt, she thought. Knowing that she would have to confront Andy sooner or later, she walked up to the couple. Andy saw her and was shocked. "I demand an explaination." Joan looked at him sternly. "I--" "So now you have seen it, and you should know what it means. He wants to break up with you. Get it?" The girl beside Andy interruped. Joan was speechless. But knowing that she could not do anything about it, she just glared at Andy and ran away. She ran, not knowing where she was heading to. She just kept running in the hallway. People stared at her. She knew why. Tears were streaming down her crimson cheeks. Her eyes were red and she looked unsightly. She saw a girls' toilet and went inside. Luckily for her, it was empty and she would not have to face any more stares for now. She washed her face and looked into the mirror. "Joan, you're such a fool. You could have known that Andy is such a freak and he was cheating on you all the time. How could you have fallen into this dumb trap without knowing it?" She said to her reflection. But the reflection just stared back at her. It gave no reply, and no expressions to show that it was angry. The tears came back. *****

Joan stepped out of the toilet, feeling refreshed. She turned a corner and nearly banged into Jason. "Whoa! Watch where you're going, will ya--" Jason stopped in mid sentence when he noticed that it was Joan. "Oh, hey, what's up?" Jason looked at Joan's gloomy face. "Something happened?" He asked. But Joan just turned and walked to her class. *****

It was the last period.Jason couldn't concentrate in class. What was wrong with Joan? Why did she have to avoid him everytime? Maybe she already knew that he had fallen for her. But it was impossible. So far, Jason had not given out any hints to show that. Well, who knows? He thought. Humans are weird. He took out his notebook. "Dear diary, I am feeling troubled. I met her again today at the hallway. She looks kind of..sad. I wished I could help her in any way. But she seems to be avoiding me every time. I wished that i could hug her and tell her that everything is gonna be okay. But i can't do that. She doesn't feel the same way towards me like what i feel towards her. It's one-sided love. I want to be with her. Will that dream ever come true one day?" He closed the notebook. School was over. He picked up his bag and drove home. *****

Jason rushed to his room and turned on his computer. Everyday after school, he would never fail to see his pen-pal, "Candy Dreams" online. He had never met her before, but she had been a good friend to him all these while.

[Dotty] says: Hi!
[Candy Dreams] says: Hi! I've been waiting for you to come online.
[Dotty] says: Haha..first time hearing you say that.
[Candy Dreams] says: Anyway..i and my boyfriend broke up..
[Dotty] says: Huh? What happened? Are you feeling okay?
[Candy Dreams] says: I wished i hadn't been so childish to have liked him in the first place.. [Dotty] says: Don't be silly. You didn't know this would happen anyway.
[Candy Dreams] says: But i feel so stupid..I can't seem to forget him.
[Dotty] says: You just have to remember..time heals all wounds..
[Candy Dreams] says: Thanks..i really appreciate that.
[Candy Dreams] says: Anyway, enough about me. So what's going on between you and your dream girl?
[Dotty] says: Well..i met her again today.
[Candy Dreams] says: And?
[Dotty] says: Same old thing. She avoided me. But i couldn't help noticing how sad she looked. [Candy Dreams] says: Maybe she doesn't know how you feel about her..i think you should tell her.
[Dotty] says: No, I dun plan to tell her. I rather things remain this way..
[Dotty] says: I feel that..Just as long as she is happy, I will feel the same way.To me, love is about happiness.I just want to be a friend to her..
[Candy Dreams] says: Whoa, I'd feel lucky if i were her..She has no idea how great you are.. [Candy Dreams] says: I wished my boyfriend was like that..
[Dotty] says: True love will come to you one day too. Dun worry..
[Candy Dreams] says: Hope so. Anyway, gtg. Cya!
[Dotty] says: Cya!
[Candy Dreams has logged off] *****

Joan felt better. Maybe time really would heal all wounds. She reached into her drawer and took out her diary.

"Dear Diary, I feel alot better after talking to my friend. Sometimes i feel that he's like a soul mate to me. Well anyway, maybe things will get alot better. It isn't time for me to brood about this stuff anymore. I have to forget about Andy. Actually, you know what? I have a little feeling for Jason too. But i'm not gonna go into another relationship so soon..And i can't gurantee than Jason feels the same way. Who knows what will happen in the future?" *****

Jason stepped into the school, feeling fresh after a morning bath. He walked up to his classroom, meeting Joan on the way. To his suprise, she smiled at him, showing a perfect pair of dimples. Jason grinned and fluffed her hair as they walked past each other. He continued on his way, smiling to himself all the time. He felt warm. She had actually smiled at him! It was such a great feeling to know that he had actually existed in Joan's life. During break time, Jason saw Joan and decided to strike up a conversation to see whether she would respond. "Um..so..hi," Jason stammered. "Hey!" Joan greeted cheerfully, laughing as she did so. Jason felt suprised and warm at her friendly greeting. She looks so cute when she laughs, he thought. "Care to eat with me?" Jason asked hopefully "Sure!" was Joan's joyful response. *****

After eating his dinner, Jason went to his room and took out his notebook. "Dear Diary, I had a great lunch today. Perhaps that was because of her presence. She smiled at me for the first time today.. I felt warm. It makes me more unwilling to confess my true feelings to her as i am afraid that she would avoid me. I rather she treat me this way, just like a close friend whom she can share her thoughts to. I don't want to do something that I will regret later. Maybe it would be best if the situation remains like this.." Jason closed his notebook silently. The day after would be international friendship day. He decided to buy a present for Joan. *****

"Hi!" Joan called out. Jason turned around. "Hey girl," He grinned. Joan smiled. He had no idea how his heart-stopping grin seem to be of a comfort to her. "So, what's going on?" Joan asked. "Haha, same old thing. I can't figure out a thing the algebra teacher is talking about." "Did u always have a problem with algebra? You could have told me earlier!" "Don't tell me i'm talking to an algebra expert?" Jason asked. "Haha.. Well, i wouldn't call myself that. But i get As for my algebra. It's my favourite subject." "Hey! That's cool! Would you be willing to teach me?" "Sure! In fact, I'm free after school today. You?" "Me too. Meet you in the library after school?" "Okay. See ya later then," Joan replied. They then parted, walking different directions towards their classrooms.Suddenly, Jason turned around. "Hey," He called out. "Yeah?" Joan turned. "Thanks..for being such a friend. I really appreciate that," "Hey, you're a great friend yourself too," Joan smiled. They continued on their own way. Maybe there is hope for both of us..? No, I shouldn't be thinking like this. But..i actually have the feeling that i miss him.. Joan thought. Clutching her books tightly towards her chest, she walked into the classroom, put her things down and took out her diary.

"Dear Diary, What is going on? What is wrong with me..? Why is it that I long to be with him but yet i am trying my best not to like him..? Is this love? I wished he was here right now, beside me. I want to be with him so badly, but he seems to treat me only as a close friend. That's all. A close friend. I want to be someone more than a close friend to him. But maybe that is not so possible afterall.." *****

"Dear Diary, Is that all i reallie mean to her? A 'great friend' ? I want to be more than a great friend to her. But it seems that she only treats me as a friend. I don't know how to tell her how much i want to be with her. Maybe waiting would be my only option.. Is this love?" Jason rested his head on his hands and re-read the entry he had just written into his notebook. He sighed. Maybe love isn't so great afterall.. *****

Joan waved at Jason to signal him to come over to the table she was sitting at. Jason jogged over and pulled out a chair to make himself comfortable. "Had a great lunch?" Joan asked. "Yeah.." "Okay.. I guess we can start on our work then," Joan said. Throughout the whole afternoon, Joan spent her time explaining to Jason and teaching him all the problems which he didn't know how to solve. She was disappointed when it was time to go home. But she refused to show her true feelings to Jason and put on a brave front instead. "So..if you have any other questions..feel free to find me," She smiled. "Thanks," Jason answered. They left the library, each going their own seperate way. ***** Joan rushed to her room, dumped her bag aside, and turned on her computer. Dotty was online! She couldn't wait to tell him what had happened recently.

[Candy Dreams] says: Hey!!
[Dotty] says: Hi!
[Candy Dreams] says: Sorry I'm late..
[Dotty] says: Haha, no problem, I just signed in not long ago too.
[Candy Dreams] says: Okay..
[Dotty] says: So what's up?
[Candy Dreams] says: I seem to have fallen for someone else...
[Dotty] says: That's great. Maybe that person would treat your better than how your ex did.. [Candy Dreams] says: I don't even know whether he feels the same way..
[Dotty] says: Hey, remember the advice you gave me? Why don't you tell the guy?
[Candy Dreams] says: Me? No way. I wouldn't want to break a friendship.
[Dotty] says: But did you give him any hints?
[Candy Dreams] says: Nah.. I think he only treats me as a close friend..
[Dotty] says: Don't be so sad..
[Candy Dreams] says: I'm alright. Thanks.. I gtg anyway. I'm tired. Off to sleep!=)
[Dotty] says: Haha..maybe you should be called Candy Pig huh?
[Candy Dreams] says: Hey! Too tired to argue with you anymore. Good night!
[Candy Dreams has logged off] Joan smiled to herself. Sometimes, Dotty had such humour that she was unable to resist. He would always make her smile even after a tired day. Time to sleep, she thought. *****

Jason clutched the present tightly in his hand. It was International friendship day and he had gotten a present for Joan. He made his way to her classroom. "Joan?" She turned. Jason was standing at the doorway of her classroom. "Hey. Nice to see ya," she responded. "So um..here's a present for you. Friends forever.." Joan was suprised. She had gotten a present for Jason too. "Wait here," she told him. Awhile later, Joan returned, holding a box tied with a silver ribbon. "Here," she said. They exchanged their presents with each other. "Thanks for being such a good friend to me. Friends forever..," Joan smiled at Jason. Once again, Jason was struck by her smile. He jus stared at her with a kind of sadness in his eyes. This girl can never be mine, he thought. He grinned at Joan and waved goodbye to her before going back to his classroom. ***** Joan returned to her seat. She stared at the lavender box in her hand. What could be in it? she thought. opening the box, she saw a silver bracelet lying among the soft cotton. She picked it up. It's beautiful, she thought. She gazed at it for awhile before putting it back into the box. Taking out her diary, she wrote:

"Dear Diary, He gave me a bracelet. And it's..reallie beautiful..I hope he likes the present i gave him too.. But i don't understand. Does he just treat me as a friend? I want to be more than a friend to him. But it's so hard to tell him. I just seem to lose my words when looking at him. He's my angel. My love. But he'll never get to know that..I'll never find the courage to tell him.."

The teacher came in. Joan closed her book quickly and put in in her bag. Who is this cute guy beside the teacher? She thought. Awhile later, the guy was introduced as Dave. He had just transferred from another school and Joan was assigned to help him around the school. Thus, Dave was to sit beside her. The other girls stared at Joan with envy. But Joan..her thoughts were all filled of Jason.. *****

"Dear Diary, She gave me a wallet. That was sweet of her. I love the present she gave me..i hope she likes the one i gave her too..I don't understand. Does she treat me only as a friend? She means much more to me than that. But she doesn't know. And she never will..cos i won't have the courage to tell her.." *****

Just as Joan was walking down the hallway, a voice stopped her. "Um..hi." She turned her head. Wasn't that Dave? "Hey. You got problems with your work?" "Er..actually yea.sort of.Are u able to go thru some notes with me tomorrow?" "Tomorrow..yea i think i'll be free." "Okay..we'll study at my house? My parents will be home, so don't worry." "Haha.I'm not gonna worry with an honest guy like you. Cya tomorrow then!" Joan walked off. Dave stared at her. She's wonderful, he thought. And i'm in love with her. ***** Joan threw her bag onto the bed and turned on the computer immediately. A new contact had added her. "Who's this guy..?" She said to herself. dave_jones@hotmail.com Sounds familar, she thought.

[Dave] says: Hey..are u Joan?
[Candy Dreams] says: Yea..u are Dave?
[Dave] says: Haha. The one and only.
[Candy Dreams] says: Okae. So how did u get my add?
[Dave] says: Well. thru a senior..
[Candy Dreams] says: Haha, well okae. these things happen all the time anyway.
[Dave] says: So are u still on for tomorrow?
[Candy Dreams] says: Yea sure. I'm supposed to help u anyway.
[Dave] says: Ok. Hey look, i gtg. Cya tomorrow then.
[Candy Dreams] says: Yep..cya.good nite.
[Dave has logged off] [Dotty has logged on]
[Candy Dreams] says: Hiyahh~
[Dotty] says: Heyyz.
[Candy Dreams] says: Haha. I had a great day and i'm soo happie!!
[Dotty] says: Hmm..looks like something happened huh.
[Candy Dreams] says: He gave me a present!!
[Dotty] says: Sounds familar..haha..anyway, what is it?
[Candy Dreams] says: Secret..
[Dotty] says: Oh well.Haha.Hmm..Candy?
[Candy Dreams] says: Yeah?
[Dotty] says: Do you want to meet up?
[Candy Dreams] says: Um..well..i'm nort sure..u want?
[Dotty] says: I'm not sure too..but i reallie want to meet up with u.
[Candy Dreams] says: Me too. Well in that case..how about next wednesday?
[Dotty] says: No problem. Meet at?
[Candy Dreams] says: Hmm..you know that place Dolphino?8pm?
[Dotty] says: Yeah sure. I gtg. See you soon..
[Candy Dreams] says: Haha.I'm looking forward to meeting u too. See ya..
[Dotty has logged off] *****

Joan stood at the steps of Dave's house, clutching her books. She pressed the bell. Dave opened the door. "Hey," Joan said. "Well, come in." Dave led Joan to the living room, where his parents were at. "Hi auntie and uncle," Joan greeted them politely. They smiled at her and nodded. "So where are we supposed to study?" Joan asked Dave. "At the dining room. Come on." They walked to the dining room and sat down. Then, Joan taught Dave all the subjects which he had problems in. The time passed quickly and it was time for Joan to leave. "Bye. See you in school tomorrow," Joan said and left his house. Dave, you're so stupid, you could have asked her to stay awhile more, he thought. Oh well. *****

[Candy Dreams has logged on]
[Dave] says: Hi!
[Candy Dreams] says: Hey.
[Dave] says: Um..i got something to tell you.
[Candy Dreams] says: Haha, what is it?
[Dave] says: Well um..
[Candy Dreams] says: Yeah?
[Dave] says: I..i like you.
[Candy Dreams] says: Huh?
[Dave] says: I know you probably don't feel the same way..But i reallie like u alot and i'm gonna try to win your heart..i hope you won't stop me..cya.
[Candy Dreams] says: Well..
[Dave has logged off] What's going on? Joan thought. Is he kidding or what? I just knew him a few days ago and he likes me? Is that a joke? Well. Guys. *****

Jason went to his room to do his homework. When he sat down at his chair, he suddenly remembered that he left his pen with his sister. He went to her room to take it. Seeing that his pen was on her table, he decided that he didn't need her permission to take something that was his. He was just about to leave when a piece of paper on the desk caught his attention. He picked it up. candy_dreams@hotmail.com Isn't that.. No it couldn't be. But..how did my sis know candy dreams? He thought. Wanting to solve this unanswered question, he took the piece of paper and went to the living room to ask his sister. "Cindy!" Jason called. "What's up bro," Cindy replied. "Who is this person? How did u get her email add?" "Don't be silly. Isn't that Joan? You know her. She was at my birthday party, remember?" Cindy casually replied. "Huh? That Joan? Oh..thanks." Jason returned the paper to his sister. He went back to his room and turned on his computer. No wonder everything that happened to her seemed so familiar to me..but..should i let her know who I am? I don't want to. I want to take hold of this chance to get to know her better..But..we're supposed to meet next week..what should i do..? Jason was lost in his thoughts.

[Candy Dreams has logged on]
[Dotty] says: Hey..
[Candy Dreams] says: Hiyahhz
[Dotty] says: Um..i don't think i'll be able to meet u next week..I'm going out..
[Candy Dreams] says: Oh..in that case..it's alright..
[Dotty] says: I'm sorry..
[Candy Dreams] says: It's reallie okay. We can always find some other time to meet up rite? [Dotty] says: Um well..i'll be kind of busy for the next few months..
[Candy Dreams] says: Okay then..we'll talk about it again when you're free..
[Dotty] says: Okay..
[Candy Dreams] says: Yeah..
[Dotty] says: Why aren't u talking..?
[Candy Dreams] says: I'm just kind of disappointed..but it's okay reallie.
[Dotty] says: Oh..
[Dotty] says: Well, never mind. I think i will be able to meet u afterall.
[Candy Dreams] says: Huh?
[Dotty] says: Um..i jus remembered that it's thursday i'm going out on. Shesh.i can get pretty forgetful sometimes u know..
[Candy Dreams] says: Really?That's great!=).Hey, i gotta go. Cya! Night.
[Candy Dreams has logged off] "Dear Diary, I feel like such a liar.But i still had to meet her in the end. I can't bear to see her upset. It reallie hurts. It makes me sad to see her disappointed like just now.. Anyway it's just a meeting with her right? Why am i being such a coward? But..i don't want her to know. I reallie want to get to know her well.." *****

Dave entered the classroom with a box of chocolates in his hands. He smiled at Joan and passed her the box. "Huh? Is that for me?" Joan asked. "Yep.Hope u'll accept it." "But..i can't.." "Please..just give me a chance to prove that i can love u like anyone else does..," Dave said sincerely, looking at Joan. "Oh well..Okay.." Joan felt touched. Was this how it felt like to be loved by someone else? She smiled gratefully at him. "Dear Diary, It's been a few days since i last saw Jason. I wonder what he's doing right now..? Dave is being pretty sweet to me. He's a nice guy. Well, i'm not considering anything though. Am i? Nah..don't think so. I'm meeting Dotty tomorrow. I'm so excited. I've known him for a year and tomorrow will be the first time i'm meeting him. Hope everything goes well.." "Joan?" Joan quickly shut her book. "Yea?" She said to Dave. "Are you free tonight? Do you want to go watch a movie?" "Um well..alright." Joan decided that there couldn't be much harm done in watching a movie with Dave. "I'll pick u up at 7pm then?" "Yep." *****

A car arrived outside Joan's house at 7pm sharp. The doorbell rang and Joan ran to open the door. "Hey, you're punctual!" She commented. Dave led Joan to the car. They soon reached the cinema. But everything passed quickly and they had watched finish the touching romance movie. Dave sent her home. "Dear Diary, Is it possible that I like Dave? He makes me feel wanted. Makes me feel loved. I don't feel like waiting for Jason anymore when there's someone like Dave who is willing to spent his time loving me. But.I don't know.How am i supposed to feel now? I'm confused ever since Dave came into my life.. Sometimes i feel that i like him. But sometimes i miss Jason.Alot.I don't know.." Joan sighed.It's so hard to tell my own feelings, she thought.

[Dave has logged on]
[Dave] says: Hi
[Candy Dreams] says: Hiya
[Dave] says: Um.
[Candy Dreams] says: ?
[Dave] says: Can you be my girlfriend?
[Candy Dreams] says: Um..
[Dave] says: I know u need time to decide.I'll give u time.But please give me a chance..
[Candy Dreams] says: Okay..how bout trying out? I know it's not reallie the same but i'm sort of confused right now..maybe trying out will help solve this.
[Dave] says: If that's what u want..alright..but i'm happy as long as you're willing to do that. [Candy Dreams] says: Kae.i gtg.. Cya tml.
[Candy Dreams has logged off] What have i done? She thought. Do i reallie like him? Oh well. I've already done it. Nothing can change. Anyway i sort of like him..right? Yea. *****

The day passed quickly. Finally it was an hour before meeting Dotty. Joan was feeling pretty excited. She decided to go early just to be on the safe side. She had told Dotty her handphone number and told him to call her when he reached. Soon, Joan reached Dolphino. ***** Jason was driving to Dolphino.He had tried to dial Joan's number to tell him that he might be late but she seemed to have turned off her handphone. He fixed his attention on his handphone instead of the road and dialled her number again. Then, he heard a scream. He looked up from his handphone to see a child standing in the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting him and hit onto a tree. Everything blackened out. He couldn't feel anything.. *****

Joan had been waiting for half an hour now. She was getting impatient but still, she had to wait for Dotty's call. She took out her handphone to see if there were any missed calls. Huh? She thought. She had turned off her handphone without realising it. No wonder there were no calls for her. It's all my fault, she thought. I hope Dotty calls again. *****

Jason awoke to find himself in a hospital bed. A sharp pain in his leg caused him to wince. "Quick, find someone with the same blood type as this guy!!" a voice said. "Wait!" Jason heard himself saying. The doctor and the nurses stopped in their tracks to look at Jason. "I know I'm dying soon..don't stop me..I just need a pen and paper..please.." Both items were passed to him a minute later. Using all the strength he had left, he wrote a letter to Joan. After he had finished writing, he gave Joan's number to the nurse and told her to call Joan to the hospital to collect the letter. Jason felt tired. He decided to go to sleep. Maybe that would stop all the pain. Without realising it, he felt himself drifting apart from the world.. *****

An hour later, Joan was still standing outside Dolphino. Suddenly, her phone rang. "Hello?" Joan said. "Is this Joan? I am calling from the hospital. A guy who identifies himself as Jason has asked u to come to the hospital to collect a letter." The voice replied. "I'll be right over." *****

Joan walked to the reception counter. "Hi..I'm Joan. There's supposed to be a letter for me..?" The nurse on duty looked up. "Oh yah. Here you go." She passed a piece of paper to Joan. Joan took it and walked down the corridor, reading the letter..: "Hey..candy pig.. well..are u suprised that i know this nickname that was given to u by Dotty? I do not want to hide it anymore..i am dotty..i just knew that u were candy dreams a few days ago too. that was why i was so afraid of letting u see who i am.. by the time u received this letter..i probably won't be in this world anymore..i'll be somewhere else..far far away..away from all this pain.it hurts too much to continue living. i have loved u the moment i saw u, Joan. But you onli treated me as a good friend..it hurts.

Everytime u say "thanks for being such a good friend", it's like a stab to my heart. I want u to treat me more than a friend. but it's so hard to say so..i have never confessed my feelings to you..for fear of being rejected.now that i'm leaving this world..perhaps it won't be so hard to tell u anymore.. anyway...i heard that you and Dave are going steady. Is that true? If it is..congratulations to u.. maybe you would be happier and more fortunate. Dave would surely treat u better than your ex.I'm happy for u. I told myself..as long as u find your happiness..i will give you my blessings..cos i learnt that loving someone is not about holding on..it's about making her happy. I'm glad that i spent my lifetime knowing you. I have never regretted knowing you because you gave me happiness..a kind of happiness that no one else is able to provide me with..i know u don't feel the same way..but it's okay..i just want u to be happy.. I'll be ending my letter than..bye..my leaf.. From: Jason a.k.a Dotty...=).." A tear dropped on the paper. *****

Joan rushed to the reception again. "Which room is Jason in?" She asked. "Room 169. But be quick. The doctors are going to carry his body away soon." Joan ran all the way to Room 169, still clutching the letter. She peered into the glass window that seperated both her and Jason. There he was, lying in the bed. He's not here anymore..she thought. Wait,i don't understand. Why did he call me his leaf in the letter? Joan thought. Glancing down on the paper, She saw the small words that was written at the corner of the paper. "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay..?" She was touched. Two tears rolled down her crimson cheeks. "Tree didn't ask her to stay.." She whispered.

ROM day for zhi wei

2005-03-16T10:23:00.000+08:00

today is zhi wei ROM day.. feeling so exciting for he's e first to get engage among the bunch of my fellow friends.. so envy him for at least he got someone who loves him.. anyway it's quite a meaningful day for us.. to be able to see him saying I do 2 time haha.. think he feel quite paisay also.. to my surprise, shao ping actually got himself invole in a movie lolz.. and it's quite funny though the way he act esp on the football sign lolz

after that we decided on mdm wong, as usual I had to wait for kenny and he has to wait for his gf to sleep.. kenny is someone I really envy the most.. for he has such a wonder family members, and of course a very good gf.. but I do hope he will learn to contribute more b4 he regrets.. she even dun mind his low education level, share her income with him and many more.. but at least I know she's very faithful towards him..

some friends only knew I always go clubbing recently.. keep on asking me is that fair to her.. but do they know that we are actually no longer a pair? I just went there to pass time.. as it's really sad to be alone esp at night.. I hate to think so much.. hate to know the fact that she did it again.. but but what can I do? why can't she just break off with me earlier

touching touching

2005-03-16T09:54:00.000+08:00

Today should be one of the worse days in my life.. while driving back home, thanks to donald persistent calling, I lost my way and drove for 2 1/2 hour b4 getting to my destination.. end up paying a fine of $120 to a money sucker..

actually he intend to extort me to a total of $400 plus plus.. lucky some of my friend who called me went down and rescue me for they are more experience in car than me.. so the bargain went on from 9pm to 1130pm. And to my surprise, alot of friends actually came to help or at least offer some of their law knowledge to help me gain a more favourable position. However I was really touch as they did took the trouble to come despite they were so busy, at the same time, she was busy watching movie with her aiai and some of her friends.. this make me so disappointed with her, even friends are so worry about me, willing to take the extra mile and some even keep on calling me to assure I'm fine with.. some even offer to come with me despite it's quite late and they are working the following day.

think I m really fooked up when it come into relationship issue, after such a long time with her, despite all my effort, she still go kidda flirting around with her so called friends that she insist they are her little bros... however the truth was only known when I use her msn to test for connection of internet since I helped her to repair her computer.. suddenly a msg from her friends calling her aiai.. yet she just deny saying he's saying for fun only.. how could you do that to me.. that was what I have been thinking inside my head... by then I was thinking back.. why she could meet him/them for supper, movie but dun hab time for me..

to be frank, most likely we are not going to be friends anymore.. it's not the very first time this kind of things has happen.. well at least b4 the start of our relationship, I seriously remind her when she dun love me anymore.. please break up with me.. dun cheat on me again.. despite my very first condition, despite all these years.. all the suffering I get the last time she did something similair to me.. but I simply miss micky too much but at least he will be in better care when he's with her... right now, having to put our relationship on hold, wasn't easy for me... seriously

A meaningful story

2005-02-23T13:45:00.000+08:00

The story goes that some time ago a man punished his 5-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper.Money was tight and he became even more upset when the child pasted the gold paper so as to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy."The father was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction, but his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. He spoke to her in a harsh manner, "Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present theres supposed to be something inside the package?"The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty. I blew kisses into it until it was full."The father was crushed. He fell on his knees and put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her to forgive him for his unnecessary anger.An accident took the life of the child only a short time later and it is told that the father kept that gold box by his bed for all the years of his life. And whenever he was discouraged or faced difficult problems he would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember thelove of the child who had put it there.In a very real sense, each of us as human beings have been given a golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children,family, friends and God. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.* Dun get angry with those ard you, for everything they do have their special meaning just for you. *

Letting go(from a friend blog)

2005-02-23T13:25:00.000+08:00

Letting go doesn't mean I stop caring.

It means that sometimes people have to do it for themselves.

Letting go is not giving in to powerlessness.

It's understanding that complete control is only ever a rhetorical position.

Letting go is learning that listening does not mean waiting to speak.

Letting go is not trying to change another. The more we seek to change others, the more we are blind to ourselves.

Letting go is staying away from the blame game. Things happen, people get hurt, people die. It has always been so.

Letting go is not to regret what has happened, but to think of the part it plays in where I am now, and the opportunity it presents for guidance.

Letting go is understanding that any experience can eventually be helpful, though this may often be difficult to understand at the time.

Letting go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being, and make their own way, as you make yours.

Letting go is not to fix, but to be supportive if my support is requested, or if my offer of support is accepted.

Letting go is not to automatically deny or accept, attack or protect, flee or intervene. Sometimes letting go simply means waiting to see what happens.

Letting go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to be aware of how I might improve my relationship to others.

Letting go is not to criticise and regulate anyone, but to try to live in a spirit of gentleness.

Letting go is to fear less and love more, For in fearing more we love less and fear even more.

Letting go is trusting that if I can listen for more helpful understandings of life and how to live it, and occasionally learn, the rest will follow.

How Could You ~~!

2005-02-15T15:54:00.000+08:00

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I become your best friend.

Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together.

I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently , comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tired to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to anothter room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers."

You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream.. or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a seperate room.

A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the string and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tired to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

Though for the day =)

2005-02-15T15:49:00.000+08:00

If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P QR S T U V W X Y Z

Is equal to

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 1213 14 15 16 1718 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

ThenHardwork=H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K= 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11= 98%

onlyKnowledge=K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E= 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5= 96%

onlyLove=L+O+V+E=12+15+22+5=54% (>_<)Luck =L+U+C+K= 12+21+3+11= 47%

(don't moz of us think diz iz lyk THEmoz impt???)Then what makes 100% Is

itMoney? ..... NoLeadership? ...... NOEvery problem has a solution, only ifwe perhaps

change our attitude.To go to the top, to that 100%what we really need to go further.....abit

more.......Attitude=A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E=1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5= 100%It is OUR

ATTITUDE towards LifeandWork that makes OUR Life 100%

Living on...

2005-02-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

Today was a tiring day.. had to accompany duckie go sim lim.. brough a graphic card but decided not to get the battle chest coz we though it's was exp.. however b.coz of that mistake we took.. we wasted 3 hours searching for it nearby lmao.. but still no stock pui (",)

actually wanted to help him get his computer done by today but think it's not possible with the time constraint blah blah blah at night still went to play soccer with ming hui and his friend.. to my surprise their group are so united sigh.. envy envy wor

better slp early tml need to work wor

A little lesson learned

2004-09-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

Well today was just another day for me.. just that i had to wake up extremely early sia coz of the 8am java lesson ahhh... however the teacher fly us kite lolz haiz can't really understand wat's the teacher really thinking la.. although it's quite a long day for me at sku today and to add salt to the wound, i had to compete the stupid KM assignment today haiz b4 the stupid tutorial starts waahhahaa seriously speaking i am starting to hate KM dude.. ahhh today during the KM tutorial, i overheard one of my classmate saying tat something like the girl behind was hmmm sort of ugly plus something like who on earth would want her... it muz be hurtful if she overheard it but i hope she didn't =) anyway his reckless action kept me thinking.. does the looks of a person really tat important... although me myself also do that sometime lolz but seriously deep inside me i know it's the char of a person tat makes up him/her for i still remember this tat someone once told me.. looks and money wun last.. only char of a person will... ahahah come to think of it i really hope he will relieze wat mistake he had done today. although toward him it might just be a causal comment but it will really hurt her self esteen if she really had overheard their conversion haiz.. anyway wat does ugly implies? arent ugly person a human being, well i think they need our respect too for we might not know when will it be our turn one fine day =)

Happy Yet Sad ~~

2004-08-24T00:47:00.000+08:00

Today i finally manage to finish up the stupid jsp login page.. sigh wondering why they always create new languages for us to learn ^_^" but anyway it's always good to keep up with the time lolz.. another thing tat surprise me is tat i pass all my paper in my exams.. lolz coz i expect to fail one of them.. anyway tat mean i will get another cert le kekeke.. however dun think i am happy with all these.. coz she didn't make it as she anticipated it but nvm i will always be there for you lolz.. but mentally only.. dun expect me to teach wor.. i dislike teaching ppl de as u know lolz...

Haiz.. dunno why everytime i encounter something happy, just couldn't have the chance to share it with the people whom should be there for me... how i wish she's still there for me.. i always missed her and really relieaze that i had lost something tat is most important to me when she had pass away.. however although she's gone physically but her smile, face and all the thing she taught me indirectly will always be deep inside me.. always reminding me of wat kind of thing i should do..

Ahhh finally i get to write my feeling down tonight.... ahhh tomorrow still got java test but i haven study ahahahhaha

thursday

2004-07-29T01:31:00.000+08:00

ahhh today i was late for tutorial lolz.. my hair cannot make it sia.. so messy so lalala... lolz.. really dun feel like myself today coz i had a headache once i reach home.. actually wanna meet kenny to jog de.. end up i play him kite lolz... at night meet kim leng and zai cum donald to play lan after went home.. hmmm nothing really special happen today.. just that our project idea was being rejected after 4 weeks of hardwork plus planning had gone into vain.. mayb that's life.. hahaha

MondAy....

2004-07-26T21:02:00.000+08:00

I woke up late for sku today so kidda miss 2 lab again lolz.. ahhh only blame for me slping so late yesterday lolz.. haiz it was kidda sad da.. to find out that i was being "fool" again by her after 2 yrs le haiz.. but nvm think it's not important to me anymore since i finally make some decision le.. still wondering how my x classmate is doing in UK since i promise her i would always attend lecture this sems ahhhh sorry xue fen sry sry lolz... i will make sure i honour my words to u de =)

Zzz sometime it's just dun pay to be kind.. just wanna help them in their relationship problem end up i was being reprimanded for it.. alas however my conscience is clear... hmm i was so tired today that i went to slp stri after i reach home lolz... but lucky i wake up just in time to catch the HK drama show.. wow it's was a very nice show featuring a rich but caring gf that keep on helping a poor bf in his career keke wondering will i be lucky enough to know such girl in life? lolz think the chances are extremely slim lolz.. since more and more girls even guys are getting more mat.. correct me if i am wrong =) lolz

It was kidda shock for the driving instructer today coz i did a big mistake due to my poor judgement lolz... anyway i'll make sure this mistake will happen again in future lalala ahhh meeting jasmine tml for movie hope she wun pinch me again as she promise coz very pain sia.. ahahah and if you dare hit my head i make sure i will your backside lolz...

sad sad sad ~~~

2004-07-26T01:03:00.000+08:00

ahhh went meeting donald duck for lunch today den play a few hrs of lan den go chat chat chat with my usual kaki lolz...... nothing really special happen.. anyway wat that makes me sad is the feeling of being lie again... i really hope i didn't knew the truth coz i kidda get along well together with her again... of course as a friend.. but things will always didn't work the way we wanted bah.. perhaps i always had a high expectation of her.. coz she was so guai when i first met her.. ahhh i am just so so disappointed... so disappointed.. but nvm... what's there to hide.. and i see no reason for her to hide anything from me.. we are just friend.. why can't we be more truthful to one another...

just kidda feel sick abt it.. hope she didn't hurt that guy as she once did to me bah =(

sentosa lolz

2004-07-25T20:30:00.000+08:00

ahhh as usual i was late today.. but anyway it's was really fun wor.. coz kim leng and ah zai join us for the outing therefore expanding our sentosa kaki le lolz... hmmm although that evelyn cook her mee fen for us.. budden she was late lolz... anyway the mee fen taste not bad wor.. so keep up the good work eve.. next time cook more things for us to eat wor... remember what ph say lolz.. if you never finish cannot go home =X

really enjoy ourself today coz we play monkey lolz.. and the best part is that we bury kim leng into the hole that he dig himself lolz.. den help him make some special private part blah blah blah at least i did took some photo lolz..

following sentosa, we went on to chinablack... alas.. the queue ar bth sia.. so long so many people moreover when we are inside the guys are like so despo lidat.. keep on trying to get close to eve and ph lolz... ahhh watever they like bah.. since it's dun concern me lolz coz i only went there to dance lalala hmmm tired le... better go rest earlier tml have soccer

sick stress sleepy...

2004-07-22T22:43:00.000+08:00

as expected i overslept again today, wondering why i'm falling into the cateogary of late comer again lolz.. argh.. it's was kidda sucky to wake up late, having to take cab to learn my driving lesson.. following which i had to touch up on my report for the java haiz.... out of nowhere my leg was like very pain today.. perhaps i didn't really slp well recently or i'm falling sick... feeling kidda down today.. is it b.coz tml i had a long day to go or is it b.coz i just kidda remember some of my bad memories in the past haiz...

anyway i just dun feel like writing down wat really happen in e past since i wanna forget abt it.. but i know it's not easy lo.. having to face so many thing tat will trigger my though to wat i had been through.. that why i always tell myself that i am not the worse.. there muz be someone who suffer more than me that exsist...

actually i intend to go temple to get something for my friend de.. but i was really not feeling well.. haiz.. really hope i can help my friend solve the problem that was preventing her from sleeping well.. just feel sad when i saw her suffering bah.. lolz

argh...

2004-07-22T00:35:00.000+08:00

oVerslept today due to footman war lolz... and the stupid louya computer at hougang plaza lolz.. hmm went to sku for a 2 hr of stupid lab asking us to play game -_-" den waited for evelyn at sku coz she coming to meet me today den i kidda bring her around the sku walk walk see see lolz.. finally we settle at mac talk talk lolz... den we meet up with jasmine to hong xiang grandie funeral wor lolz.. intend to surprise xiang zai de budden he counter us lolz ahhh feel so content when i see him so happy with jasmine =) but really hope tat stupid xiang will take his medicine regularly...

ahhh den we went up xiang house to watch a tv show lolz... kidda lame la budden coz we got nothing to do downstair wor... den i accompany evelyn to bedok interchange lolz... lucky i manage to get onto the last bus lolz.. if not i gonna walk home lolz... ahhh it's been so tiring today lolz but it's really better than hanging out at chinablack =)

What a busy day..

2004-07-21T04:16:00.000+08:00

argh... it was really a busy day for me.. had a hard day at sku.. kidda fed up with project stuff lolz.. den meet this cute gal for king authur, she really look and spoke like one of my clubbing friend lolz.. ahhh... saw yong yi and his friend outside J8 as well as someone from dbi0203.. hope they didn't get the wrong idea ar.... hmmm e show didn't meet up to the standard bah kakaka after tat i went for billiard with kim leng and ah zai kakaka today surprisely shao wei show up lolz.. it's kidda rare but i was happy to have seen him joinning us..

reach home around 4 plus.. still worrying for her.. coz she told me tat she is afraid lolz anyway hope thing really go smoothly for her.. worry notz... i be there lolz lalala very tired ah... gotta sleep early.. tml also a long day for me =)

First Online Diary lolz =)

2004-07-20T00:33:00.000+08:00

ahh... this is gonna be my first online diary wor (",).. hmm kidda busy today coz go sku for lecture cum soccer and swimming after which went for shopping ^^ at orchard with my mei mei, jia hui, ronald, jasmine, kiat loo, meiling.. lolz felt kidda weird coz so many gal =( however we really have alot of fun in e train la coz we surronded meiling lolz.. make her bth lolz....

reach orchard around 4 plus.. den go far east plaza to shop for my bro wilson present lolz.. but cannot find a shop tat really suit my taste =( ... finally decided to buy 2 polo tee for him when we reach takashimaya lolz lalala i also brought some "item" for me, myself and a special friend ...

following tat i went to tampines argh it's been so long since i was tat busy le lolz... rushing here and there.. anyway hope i can substain this kind of lifestyle rather then rotting at home lolz...
met evelyn and arai at coffee bean with 3 guys tat i dunno lolz.. but nvm they are still quite ok argh we really got alot to chat ar lolz esp tat eve ... still cannot forget =( den chat till around 10 when i really gotta zhao le since i m meeting "her" talking abt her really makes me sad ar.. she used to be e one i treasure most lolz.. but tat was in e past... lalala she like very busy also lo lolz after meeting me le still need to meet her friend lolz.. hmm look's the guy really interested in her.. can even dun mind to wait for her at void deck at around min night lolz.. just like how stupid i was in e past lolz.. anyway dun wish to make tat poor fellow suffer so i rather not let him see me since i had been thru wat he did b4 =( ... argh getting tired now, hope i can stop thinking abt the past.. wahahah tml meeting wan ling .. wondering how will my day be like tml..